I knew it would take me a few days to write Lucy’s birth story. And to be honest, I still haven’t fully processed what I can only call “the most defining experience of my life.” So accept this for what it is: a feeble attempt to describe something beyond words.
On Monday, June 24th, I went to the OB with my mom to take a non-stress test. My doctor wanted to watch the baby closely, as I was 5 days overdue. I had several contractions during the test and thankfully Lucy responded exactly like they wanted. My mom and I stopped at Starbucks to pick up water and then headed to Hobby Lobby to buy a few frames for my mom’s guest bathroom.
As we walked around the store, my Braxton Hicks contractions began to change. I started to feel cramps along with the typical tightening of my abdomen. I told my mom, and we both smiled. We knew that this likely meant labor was near. On the drive home, the contractions continued. I called Ryan and sent my doula a message. I didn’t want to get anyone too excited, but I felt like something was finally happening.
I spent the afternoon with my mom and sister. The contractions were coming about every 7-10 minutes but they were mild. I could shop, I could make dinner, I could talk on the phone. As the sun began to set, my contractions died down. By the time we went to bed, they were gone. I felt disappointed and discouraged. Even embarrassed. Would this baby ever come?
The next morning I woke up. Ryan and I talked softly in bed and then I went to make breakfast. There were no contractions. No cramps. Nothing. I called my mom and told her that despite my hopes yesterday, we wouldn’t be having a baby anytime soon. But just after I got off the phone and set the timer for my hard boiled eggs, the first contraction hit. And I knew immediately that this was for real. I called my doula and my mom. I told them we still had plenty of time but to get ready to go to the hospital later that morning. I asked Ryan if we could go and pick up a few of my favorite muffins from a bakery in Manitou. As I got dressed, the contractions continued…and intensified. By the time I was ready to slip on my shoes to leave the house, I couldn’t walk or talk through a contraction. I leaned up against the wall, my eyes closed, and I focused on my breath. When the wave passed, I told Ryan, “Scratch the muffins. Call my mom and Sarah (our doula). Tell them to get here NOW.”
By the time my mom and Sarah arrived, we had our hospital bags at the front door. Ryan ran outside and began loading them in my mom’s car. I stood on the front porch as another contraction hit. I leaned over the metal railing and focused on my breath again.
We arrived at the hospital a little after nine. In triage, our nurse checked me: I was 5 ½ centimeters, 90% effaced, and the baby was in 0 position. We were good to stay.
As we waited to get settled into our room, my contractions grew closer and closer together. I buried my head into the side of the bed, visualizing a calm beach and water rushing up and over my legs, my hips, and my belly. The brief breaks from pain were precious. Ryan and I would talk, hold hands, and I would attempt to regain my strength. Right before we left triage, I had to sit through a particularly painful contraction as the nurse inserted my saline lock (I needed to take a round of antibiotics because I had tested positive for Group B Strep). Thankfully, Marjorie was kind and praised my composure (it’s amazing what a little positive feedback can do for the psyche!)
We were finally allowed to go to our room almost an hour after arriving at the hospital. Lucy picked a popular day to be born…ten babies came during the day time shift! My sister, mom, and Ryan’s mom were waiting for us in the lobby. Seeing everyone’s excited faces made me even more eager to bring this little one into the world.
Marjorie had dimmed the lights in my delivery room, just as we requested. I wanted to give birth in a calm , “cave-like” environment, which isn’t necessarily easy to do at the hospital. But the staff made every effort to meet my requests (from the room environment to allowing me to labor in the tub). I am so thankful for the doctors and nurses who worked with us this past week!
My contractions grew more intense each minute. I spent most of the time in bed, facing away from my family (not because I didn’t want them there…but because each contraction required so much inner focus). This went on for about twenty to thirty minutes as Marjorie listened to Lucy’s fetal heartbeat. After the read was complete, she asked me if I still wanted to go to the tub. I had an intense contraction that almost took my breath away, and after coming down from it, I told her yes.
Ryan and I went to the tub room together. My doula had set up candles and we turned off all the lights. The minute my body hit the warm water, I felt like I had been transported. “I’m in heaven!” I told Ryan as he gently stroked my arm. But just when I had begun to get settled, another contraction came on and this time I felt the distinct urge to push. We pulled the red nurse rope and Marjorie came right in. She asked if she could check me, and we found out I was already 8 ½ centimeters dilated. At this point, it was time to call the doctor and get me back into the delivery room.
My OB is actually a family friend. She lives only a few houses up from my parents and I used to baby sit her young children. I was thrilled when we moved back to Colorado because I knew she’d be a great doctor for me and Lucy. Even though Judy Brinkman only delivers on days when she’s “on-call” she was sweet enough to make a special note in my chart. The hospital was to notify her when I went into labor and she would leave her office or her house to deliver our baby.
She came into the room a little after noon. She checked me and told me I was officially ten centimeters dilated. She also said that first time moms typically take about 2 hours to push. She had patients she needed to see at her office, so she asked Marjorie to monitor my pushing and call her when I got close.
TWO HOURS. I felt like I might pass out. By this point, I was vocalizing loudly, humming in a low and then high octave during each contraction.
My first few attempts at pushing were nothing less than terrifying. I felt the urge to push but I couldn’t muster the strength to bear down. I felt completely lost and confused. I was worried they’d have to cut the baby out of me…exhaustion had never seen like the more apt word. I asked my sister to come over and pray. From what I’ve been told, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room as Susanne laid hands over me and prayed for strength and peace. It was the turning point in my labor.
What exactly happened I don’t know, but I found that the next time I pushed true progress was made. It was almost as if my spine curled around the contraction and then my body was able to focus on the exact right spot to push…such a bizarre but satisfying feeling. Everyone in the room cheered. They could see the baby’s head.
The next fifteen minutes was exhilarating. I was able to bear down and push through each contraction, bringing my baby closer and closer to me. Ryan exclaimed, “She has so much hair!” after a particularly successful round of pushing. It was just what I needed to hear to get me across the finish line.
After I pushed through another contraction, my nurse ran out of the room and told someone to call Dr. Brinkman. I was about to have this baby…with or without her. Two hours had turned into fifteen minutes. The pain was present but bearable. I knew that I was so close to holding her and this made my efforts of utmost importance.
Dr. Brinkman tried to get me to slow down to prevent tearing, but I couldn’t think outside the way I’d been pushing. I just wanted to hold her. After one more strong push, out she came. Seeing her—so alive and tangible—had to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I broke out in tears, or sobs, and I reached down to hold her hand as they let the umbilical cord pulse for a few more seconds. As I brought her up to my chest, I kept saying, “My baby, my baby” all while laughing and crying. All while thanking God for this incredible gift. Ryan and I held each other as we gazed into our baby’s eyes. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more in love with him. He was such a support during my pregnancy and delivery. Ryan was able to cut the cord–the life force between me and my daughter. I wouldn’t have trusted that sacred transition to anyone but him.
Words can’t do justice to the miracle that is birth, and I was lucky enough to have Kadi Spurlock from Up in the Sycamore in the delivery room with us. Please feel free to view the slideshow below. I’ve shared a few of the photographs here…but it all comes together in the video. She did an amazing job and these pictures are some of my greatest treasures. Lucy and I are falling in love and recovering more each day. Thanks to everyone for your kinds words and thoughts and prayers.
Lucy’s Birth (the video)
