Yay we can still smile!!!!
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to link up this Medical Mondays, but who knows if it might be my last link up – so here I am! JFor those who are new to my blog: I am Elle, awesome accountant, and I am dating Mori – a third year medical student. Mori for the past several months has been having doubts about whether he wants to become a doctor. I had hoped that it was all related to the stress of taking Step One, but even after received his good scores and started rotations, the doubts continued.He is now contemplating either continuing with medicine even if it’s not what he wants to do, or quitting and possibly going into engineering (his original background).Yay, what an awesome time for you to join haha! For my regular followers, I am moving to a new blog as soon as it’s been designed, so keep your eyes open for an update with the new link in a week or two! ---We went almost the whole weekend without bringing up that topic, until Sunday. We sat in the park eating frozen yogurt and discussing options. I am surprisingly numb to this change in direction. I had mentally prepared myself for the debt, for the long hours and absences, but I hadn’t prepared for a change in career. Maybe I’m in shock.After discussing different scenarios of what he might be interested in, he brought up the real thing that I’d been dreading…“I feel horrible that I’m doing this after all I’ve put you through,” he says.…Sorry I had to pause for a minute to blink away the tears. I was hoping that Mori wouldn’t bring me up at all and we could just spend the rest of life not talking about it. The two years of long distance and stressing about how we were going to be together…all worth nothing. The time he was supposed to fly down and help me move to a new apartment and broke up with me an hour before he got on his flight because I didn’t support his dream of becoming a doctor…worth nothing. His parents telling him that I was manipulating him out of his dream job…worth nothing. Leaving Maryland, my friends, and fantastic job behind…worth nothing.It does feel all worthless deep down. Especially when he tells me he doesn’t want to be on call, or have irregular shifts, and that he wants his weekends off. WHY THE HELL WERE YOU BECOMING A DOCTOR THEN? WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME 3.5 YEARS AGO WHEN I BEGGED YOU TO RECONSIDER THIS PATH?We all make mistakes, though. My friend said to me about the situation: “Well, this is one expensive mistake!” Yeah it is, and it’s definitely one that he needs to fully consider. I’m trying not to worry or think much about it. This is not my choice in the end. I don’t want to weigh in my opinion about the situation too much for fear of swaying Mori and then he regrets that choice later because it wasn’t truly his. I will go wherever he wants to go. …But I can’t help but worry. I worry about paying off that huge amount of debt without either of us having a large salary. I worry about having the things we want like getting married, buying a house, or having kids. And by far do I worry that maybe my bitching and moaning from three years ago was what led to this day, even if I’ve been 100% supportive since the day he started med school. His parents better not pin this on me, the devil incarnate. I can’t blame Mori for wanting something else. I hate my job too. But for the most part my job doesn’t take me away from the things I do love, and that’s where the real difference lies. Tax season can be pretty nasty 5-6 months out of the year, but who knows what residency or even being an attending will hold for him?Ughhhhh, I need a cookie and a glass of wine.Or I need a chocolate shot of Baileys again...