I said that when I was presented with opportunities to step out of my comfort zone that I would normally shy away from, I wouldn't. I would say yes and breathe my way through things. I was tired of feeling disappointed at myself for always opting for the route that made me feel more comfortable but that didn't push me outside of my boundaries. I would force my mind to understand that us people, we're really all the same and that whilst Mrs Smith down the road might look super confident, she's probably actually not. I've worked hard to remember that I'm not the only introvert, I'm not odd and there's nothing wrong with me just because I suffer with anxiety. It's a common thing and really, the person I might think has got it all together might be suffering with it too behind closed doors.
And so I changed my ways. I still battled and am still battling with feeling anxious, but since making up my mind that I wasn't going to let it close doors for me, I've felt so much more powerful and in control, but mostly proud.
Two things work for me - 1. Being totally honest with how I feel and 2. Facing the anxiety head on. The first because personally, I'd much rather be an open book and let people know why I might stumble or fall or find things harder. And the second because facing my fears reminds my anxious thoughts that I really had nothing to worry about in the first place and that actually I am stronger than some parts of my mind might tell me sometimes.
This year I've opened up about having anxious days, I've travelled to London on the train and the underground by myself and attended events (which is something I wouldn't usually have done). I've pushed myself more and more on YouTube and have stayed determined to keep picking the camera up even when I've felt too nervous too. I pushed 'Go Live' on a Facebook Live video a few months ago. Being live on camera to people who follow my blog was a big step, but I felt amazing afterwards. I even flew to Germany without my family for an event through my blog last month, which was an enormous step. And those are just the big things. There all the little things I've done in the face of anxiety in my everyday life too.
On Saturday I traveled to London and attended a blogging conference called Blogfest where I met the daily vloggers, Anna and Jonathan Saccone-Joly who had been asked to speak at the event. It was their channel that first inspired me to start capturing and sharing my own life and so it was such an amazing opportunity to be able to finally meet them!
I was able to spend time with some fellow blogging and vlogging friends, including my very good fellow blogging friend Hayley from Sparkles and Stretchmarks who I've known for years and who like me, also suffers with anxiety and so just gets it. I also picked up a few tips from the day and the different sessions that were on, they were mostly vlogging related as I feel that that's an area that I really want to focus and grow on. I decided to share some of the tips and bits of advice that I took away from the day and if you would like to watch it you can find the video embedded below.
It's reasons like this that I push myself even when it's easier to stay inside of my own little bubble where I feel most comfortable. I had a lovely day and it was a great experience, one that I would never have had if I had listened too much to my worrying thoughts.
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