In case you hadn’t heard, there is an ex-cop turned murderer on the loose in LA. He is just about the biggest story in the news right now, and it turns out the story just got a little bigger. As if it were the Old West, the authorities in LA have released a statement saying they are offering a million dollar bounty for Christopher Dorner who is a suspect in 3 murders.
Personally, I am seriously wondering where this money is coming from. The quickest way to get a million in LA these days is to sell a bunch of drugs, so maybe the mayor dipped into the LAPD drug vault quick and used some CIs to sell a million worth of who knows what. How ever they got they money, I totally want some, so I decided that I am going to take up the position of bounty hunter here and find this guy. After watching 12 episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter, I am pretty sure I understand the concept at hand here. I call this guy, using a fake name, ask him to meet up, and then when he takes the bait I put him in cuffs, let him smoke a cigarette in my nice suburban, and then give him a lecture about being a better person.
I have figured out about how much it would cost to actually get this million dollar bounty, so lets see how we can do it.
- First we need to get there, and since I will be nice and bring my girlfriend with me, it will be $1,486 round trip.
- Then we need a nice big SUV, so that will be roughly $100 a day, for 5 days (it takes time to catch a criminal) so that puts that around $500.
- I always see Dog using a giant can of pepper spray instead of lethal weapons, so I figure I would need one. They run about $20.
- A decent pair of handcuffs without the pink fuzz on them are about $50.
- A bounty hunter badge and badge carrier necklace is $40.
- A nice pair of combat boots, some black tactical pants, a black leather vest, and those fingerless gloves, that will be about $240.
- A hotel to work out of in LA can be expensive, but because I have a million coming in, I will stay at the Ritz-Carlton, which runs about $420 a night, for 5 nights, that is $2,100.
So that ends up to be about $4,436 and change once you account for tax, food, and the odds and ends like bribing contacts, gas for the car, and who knows what else, I will round it out to like $5,500 just to be conservative. So, if that is all it takes to make a million dollars, I say I have a winning get-rich-quick scheme on my hands. I see nothing wrong with this plan whatsoever, and if I had $5,500 I would be on a plane right now headed for the West coast. If you want to sponsor my little adventure, let me know! I will reimburse you handsomely of course!
Well, I am off to watch more Dog the Bounty Hunter! If you need me I will be bleaching my hair and tanning.
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