Creativity Magazine

Mindful/Mindless Eating, Part 2

Posted on the 11 April 2013 by Abstractartbylt @artbylt

In my previous post, I wrote about the virtuous nature of not "wasting" food as a reason for my mindless eating.  But that's not what happens in my nightime gorgings.

During the day I am busy, with many more things on my "to do" list than I can possibly finish.  At the end of "getting through the day," I feel I deserve a reward:  a glass of wine with a nice dinner.  Which is perfectly reasonable, right?

And what happens after that?

I am alone in the house.  Adrian is dead.  He will be dead for the rest of my life.  


After I finish the dishes, I pour myself another glass of wine, take a couple of dark-chocolate covered cashew clusters, and retire to the living room.  I subscribe to Netflix, and always have several dvds to choose from on any evening.  I get six dvds at a time to make sure there is never a long holiday weekend without mail when I will run out.

I watch a movie or a TV series:  Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Nurse Jackie--while I munch away at the cashew clusters, sipping the wine. 

When the clusters are gone, I pause the dvd and go into the kitchen.  In my pantry I have bags of pistachios, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, brazil nuts, almonds.  Nuts are good for you, right? 

You get the idea.


I used to read books, and I still do, but it is harder.  In the evenings these days, I require something that catches my interest fast and takes me out of my world into another for a couple of hours. That, and putting something in my mouth at the same time, are comforting. 

The wine eventually makes me sleepy, and I can contemplate going to bed in the empty house.


So that's one way an addiction begins.  Food and booze are comforting--just temporarily, though.  The wine may make me sleepy, but later interrupts my sleep.  The overeating gives me indigestion, which also keeps me awake.   When it gets really bad, I promise to reform my ways.

And I do for a night or two. 

But for a real cure, I need to pause the eating and drinking, pause the dvd, and face the loneliness head on.

I'll let you know when I do.


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