At 32 weeks pregnant with Ethan I wrote this post: Expectations of a First Time Mummy-to-Be. I was excited, scared, nervous, totally petrified of childbirth. I had my own ideas and expectations of what my life would be like when I became a Mum for the first time and I documented those thoughts. This morning I re-read that post and it was interesting to see just how many of my expectations were correct.
Here's the reality..
source- I will have an undying, unconditional love for you as soon as I see you. My heart will probably feel like it is going to burst because it will hold that much love for you inside of it! - This is so true for how I feel right now - the love I feel for Ethan is indescribable. For me, that instant love feeling was there when he was born, but I was in shock from just giving birth, in pain and tired so it wasn't as strong as it is now. I love him more and more everyday.
- I'll probably not ever want to let you go.. I'm already an over the top protective person (just ask your Dad).. So I imagine that I will be probably be the most protective mom in the world when it comes to you! I will try hard not to be too over the top.. But I can't make any promises!! - Again this feeling of protectiveness is something that grows deeper each day. Everyday that I spend with Ethan makes me feel more and more protective over him. I've already made a deal with him - he'll live at home with me forever more and in return I shall cook, clean and do everything for him! That way I'll never have to let go of him! Haha.
- Normal sleep at normal times will be a thing of the past for me.. I'm expecting to be so tired that I will feel like a mindless zombie - anything better than that will be greatly appreciated, but I'm not holding my breath. - This was true at the beginning, I was SO tired! However, I am actually now very lucky in that Ethan sleeps from around 10pm/11pm to 6am every single night and has done for weeks! I just hope this lasts!
- The house that I
obsessivelyclean daily at the moment will not stay this way for even 10 minutes after you are born. I expect that I will not even have the energy to clean it in the first place. - Well, I do have the energy, just maybe not the time to clean it like I use to. I'm surprised at how much the house pretty much looks the same. I get to time to do all of the daily jobs every day so I'm happy with that. I've chilled out so much with being so obsessed and I feel so much better for it.
- That taking a shower will become a luxury. - This is fairly true to be honest and totally dependant on Ethans mood. But on the whole, he's usually happy to sit in his bouncer cooing at me whilst he listens to some Radio 1 and the running water. It's usually after I get out that's a problem, he often gets a bit upset waiting for me to throw on some clothes and a bit of foundation on my face.
- I may well live in my PJ's and dressing gown for a long time after you are born, it wont be too different to now though as I have pretty much done this the whole way through my pregnancy with you. - I manage to get dressed everyday now, though it is usually around lunchtime/1pm, but that's my own laziness. Hey - I'm on maternity leave!
- I will become more mellow and learn to chill out when it comes to housework and silly everyday occurrences that bug me now as I will have you to focus on and worry about.. (and again - I will most likely not have the energy to care about the small trivial things.) - This is so true. I am so much more chilled out and mellow now. I feel so happy and content for it.
- At times I will get really stressed, possibly upset and even frustrated, but that most of my time will be spent having fun with you, learning with you, cuddling, and staring at you with complete adoration. - Again completely true!
- The amount of washing that needs to be done to go through the roof. - The washing is now deceitful, it looks like it's not a lot, but actually there's just lots and lots of tiny items of clothing.
- I will learn so much about myself and feel like I've unlocked a whole new way of life. - This is beyond true! I've unlocked a whole new direction of life and learnt so much about myself already! It's so amazing!
- I will feel so much happiness and complete joy in my heart when I see you interacting/cuddling/playing with your Daddy and with the cats. - Watching the person who I've been in love with for most of life become a Dad to our Son is just magical. Adam is an amazing dad. Ethan is beginning to notice the cats lately and they are so good with him.
- I will feel so unbelievably proud of myself when you are born.. knowing that I have grown you inside of me and that I have faced my biggest fear: childbirth. - I'm very very proud of myself. I actually, as crazy as this sounds, liked the experience of giving birth.
- I'll be in a lot of pain after the birth, this scares me, but I know it'll be worth it. - The after pain was worse than I had anticipated, but yes, it was so worth it! And it doesn't last for ever.
- My body will probably never look like it did pre-pregnancy. - I was surprised at how quickly my stomach went back! I did not expect that. I've gained some weight, but only a tiny amount - if I didn't have the stretch marks I wouldn't look like I'd given birth 10 weeks ago.
- I will have a whole new respect and understanding for my own mom and other parents. - It's funny how when you have your own child you notice other Mums and Dads a lot more. I notice other people with prams whenever I'm out. I've become a lot more aware of other families and I of course have a better understanding of what it is to be a parent.
- I will adore your Dad even more than I do now, seeing him be a parent will probably make my heart melt into complete mush. - My heart is so full, it's almost bursting with love for both Ethan and Adam.
- Your Dad and I will have many conversations about who you look like most and how amazing it is that we created you. We'll probably discuss at length what we think you will become when you're older - I'd already like you to be a Vet! ;) - We definitely sit and chat at length about who Ethan looks most like and how crazy it is that our love and bodies can create such a wonderful and amazing little person.
- The future holds so many happy memories for us. - It really really does. We've created so many already.
& I know that...
- You will be soloved by so many people and that as long as we all have each other it doesn't matter where life takes us - as long as it takes us together! - Ethan is blessed to have so many family members who adore him. I feel so happy that I have been able to give him that!
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