Hello there! My name is Lyndsey and I blog over at Little Harper. I met Kaitlyn through Cara Box and follow her on instagram as well as her blog. I am so honored to be sharing my story today. My hope is that this will touch someone in a similar situation. The story of our daughters birth.This is Harper's story.
January 31, 2012 is the day our lives were changing forever. January 31 is the day my husband and I were expecting our first child. The emotions that we both felt were indescribable, we were ecstatic. We waited to tell our families until I was around eight weeks pregnant. Both families couldn't wait to have a new addition to the family.
From the outside, the baby and I were both doing wonderful. All of my prenatal appointments were great, my weight was right where it should be, all of the ultrasounds showed a perfect, healthy baby and I loved being pregnant. Fast forward. My due date arrived and there were no signs of her coming, so a week later I was induced. The time was finally here… the time we would get to meet our beautiful baby girl for the first time. Nine months of preparing.
I went to the hospital for induction on Tuesday, October 9th in the late afternoon. I could barely sleep that night because I was so excited… and nervous. The early stages of labor were perfectly beautiful. October 10th arrived and they broke my water and the labor pains were intense. I had two epidurals because the first one didn't take. Around 2pm, the nurses said it was time to push. And, I delivered Harper Ann at 3:25 pm.
The moment they laid Harper on my chest and she was crying, I noticed her cleft lip and palate. My husband and I both saw the nurses and doctor's face and shortly after, they scooped her off my chest and took her to the warming station followed by the nicu. This is all kind of a blur. I saw my daughter for less than five minutes, and her first few minutes of life, all she saw me do was cry. I continuously think, did she feel loved? Did I tell her how beautiful she was? Did I kiss her?
I wasn't able to see her for about an hour, which felt more like an eternity. I didn't know, if any, what else was wrong or if she was just born with cleft. As family members came in and out of my room, I felt out of it. I remember crying, a lot. Then a team of doctors came to talk to me and I cried more. Even though there were so many people surrounding me, I felt alone. With in a matter of minutes, I went from awaiting the arrival of my new baby to being sad and alone.
When I finally saw Harper and was able to take every little part of her body in, I thought she was beautiful. As I held her, I cried. I did everything right during my pregnancy and I couldn't, and still can't, understand what went wrong or what I did. I will never know.
Harper was in the nicu for almost a week. She was having a difficult time learning how to eat, since her palate was open. I never left her side. I wanted her to know how loved she was. I wanted to be there for her every step of the way. One of the nurses told me something that I will never forget - she told me it's okay to mourn and if I wasn't, then they would be concerned. That little statement meant so much to me and made me feel somewhat whole again inside. I had been feeling guilty because I was always in tears.
After one week and the surprise birth defect of our daughter, we were at her very first cleft appointment and the doctor mentioned a very true statement. In the darkest of times, it has helped me through all of the difficult moments. He said that she may have been born with a birth defect, but it's all fixable and she is a perfectly healthy baby. That is the truth.
Harper had her very first surgery at nine weeks, and since has had a total of four surgeries, with one scheduled in just a few months. Harper is determined, smart, and a beautiful little toddler. I truly believe Harper is a heavenly sent little angel. She is our angel. I believe God wanted my husband and I to be her parents and He knew that we were the right ones to take on this challenge. The first year of Harpers life was hard, filled with many different mountains that we had to climb. We will embrace the challenges that are thrown our way. We are privileged to be her parents.
I can not begin to tell you how much love I have for this little girl. I never thought this amount of love was possible. I wouldn't trade her for the world. My broken heart that I once had over the guilt and sadness I had felt, is now healed.
Do you have a story or comments about a cleft lip and palate? We would love for you to connect and chat in the comments below!
