5 years ago, I wrote a list here on my blog of 40 things I wanted to do before my 40th birthday.
Looking back on that list today, there are many things that 35 year old me felt inclined to do which no longer resonate with 39 year old me...a natural part of growth I guess, but there are still around 10 things on that list which DO resonate with me, which I'd like to tick off that list. But with only 6 months to go and a national lockdown to endure, it's seemed increasingly unlikely that I'd be able to make that happen.
However, this weekend - I managed to tick something off!
I'm currently in the process of re-qualifying in a new field (something I'll discuss more in a future post), and this past weekend was the first one in a long time that we've been able to go class in person rather than on Zoom. Whilst there, I found myself volunteering as a test subject for a demonstration of past life regression!
The concept of past lives has always fascinated me. I've read lots of books and watched plenty of documentaries on the subject over the years, but I have to admit - I still hadn't quite formed a full opinion on what I believe to be true.
I wouldn't have said that I believed 100% in past lives, but I also didn't disbelieve it either. I was open to idea.
But something about the idea of trying past life regression - the process of being regressed back to past life experiences under hypnosis - has always appealed to me.
I read a blog post about it by the lovely Katie from Pouting In Heels a few years back, and it really stuck with me - I've been intrigued since then but despite lots of google searching, I've never been able to find anyone local offering the service.
I put it on my bucket list anyway, and sure enough - this weekend, the opportunity presented itself.
I went in to the session with an open mind - I was hopeful of experiencing something but at the same time I also wasn't entirely convinced that I would. I'd never had any strong inkling of having had a past life, never experienced much Deja vu - there has been nothing to ever make me think that I've been here before.
But it turns out, I may just have been....
How Its Done
Past life regression is done under hypnosis, and - as with most hypnotherapy - the techniques used will vary from hypnotherapist to the next. I remember reading that Katie's experience had been done using a visualisation involving a corridor with different doors to go through...but my experience was different.
The therapist first put me in to a state of hypnosis and then talked me through a visualisation involving a beach with a bank of fog. I saw myself in my minds eye walking through that bank of fog, and the therapist instructed me that when I emerged ...I would find myself in a different life...
What Did I See
I became aware of a dark street. I felt that I was seeing this dark street from the end of it, and I had the sense that I was waiting for someone.
The therapist asked me a series of rapid-fire questions, and I answered each one immediately - my own inner voice and thoughts were always present but I felt as though the answers were just appearing in my mouth without any thought process behind them, if that makes sense.
The conversation went like this:
Therapist: What's your name?
Me: John Peters
Therapist: Where do you live?
Me: London
Therapist: Where abouts?
Me: Here and there
Therapist: What are you doing on this street?
Me: I'm waiting for my friend, Jack
Therapist: Whats the name of the street you're on?
Me: Barnaby street
Therapist: What year is it?
Me: 1926
Therapist: How old are you?
Me: 46
Therapist: Who's on the throne?
Me: King George
Therapist: Walk down to the end of the street, what can you see?
Me: I can see the river
Throughout the process, I was aware of thoughts that I didn't articulate. I had an overwhelming feeling of guilt, and I knew that I did bad things in this life. I could clearly see the back of a man standing in front of me - he wore a top hat and tails, and carried a pocket watch - I knew immediately that I stole pocket watches from rich men like him.
I knew that I had a disability or disfigurement, there was something wrong with my hands and I knew I had no family.
The therapist asked me what I'd like to say to the world, and I said "I'm sorry".
From there, I was led into another life.
The Second Life
The therapist instructed me to see a bridge, with a bank of fog halfway across it. He told me that when I walked through that fog in my minds eye, I would emerge in a different place and time.
And I did.
Immediately I saw myself standing in a field, there was a windmill in the distance and there were people working in the field.
The conversation went like this.
Therapist: Are you male or female?
Me: Female
Therapist: How old are you?
Me: 16
Therapist: What year is it?
Me: 1856
Therapist: Where are you?
Me: Holland
Therapist: What's the name of the area you live in?
Me: Rijtskillen
Therapist: What do you do?
Me: I work in the fields
Therapist: Do you have a family?
Me: No
Therapist: What's your name?
Me: Helder
The therapist then instructed me to imagine a mirror and to see myself in it. I saw a tall young girl with long light brown hair, but what struck me most was the outfit I was wearing.
I've never seen clothes like this before - but I could see it as clear as day. I was wearing a long cream coloured dress with lots and lots of material, the dress was very big on me and I had a long scarf-like covering on my head made from the material...it hung down around my shoulders.
The therapist asked me what Helder would like to say to the world, and I said "Take notice of the small ones".
After that, the therapist gave me the choice of going in to another life or returning to the present. I had felt very nauseous throughout, and was now starting to feel a bit dizzy so I said I wanted to come back to the present.
Research
The experience itself was very strange and nothing at all like I expected it would be. I was always completely aware of my self, and able to think my own thoughts - infact I found myself doubting the things I was saying, as my own conscious mind was telling me that the answers I'd given couldn't possibly be true. I am no good at all with remembering historical facts, and I had no knowledge of who would be on the throne at certain points in time - I remember thinking that the vision I had of the man in top hat and tails couldn't possibly be accurate for the 1920s.
After the session ended, we did some brief research in to what I'd said.
Barnaby Street doesn't seem to exist in London anymore, but it DID many years ago - we managed to find an old map showing that a street called Barnaby Street existed in Bermondsey. It has now been renamed to Bermondsey Street. According to the old map, if you walked to the end of Barnaby Street - you came to the river!
We then looked up who was on the throne in 1926, and sure enough - it was King George IV.
I then tried to look up Rijstekillen in Holland but wasn't able to find anything - however, I did find out that Rijst is the Dutch word for Rice - I'm not sure if this means anything.
I then looked up the name Helder. My initial thought when I had said my name was Helder was that it didn't sound like a Dutch name at all. I thought it sounded German.
But I was wrong...apparently Helder is indeed a Dutch name, and in fact there is/was a part of Holland called Den Helder (strangely when I googled this place, I found lots of information about a battle that occurred there - which took place on my birthday! Coincidence perhaps but interesting nonetheless).
But the strangest part for me was when I looked up the style of dress worn by female field workers in 1850s Holland...the examples that came up were exactly what I had seen, even down to the strange head covering! I had never seen anything like this before, so I can't explain how I knew of their existence.
My Thoughts
Past life regression is one of those things that people either believe or they don't. Plenty of people would probably try to explain these experiences away as being cryptomnesia - forgotten memories of facts I learned without realising years ago which my brain has brought up under hypnosis. There have certainly been documented cases of this occurring.
But my own thoughts are that I simply can't explain the things I saw, and the accuracy of them - I have never had any particular interest in Holland and certainly have no knowledge of dutch names, or historical Dutch fashion.
Whether these past life recollections of mine are genuine or not, I am certainly intrigued enough to want to try past life regression again!
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