I have been doing some thinking, like I always do. And a lot of life consists of reminding yourself of your own roots, on why you started some things at the first place. This not only brings clarity on what you are supposed to be doing but also brings back the motivation you may have had lost in the way.
Here are a few things I considered while leaving my job. It's time to relook at them while making my decisions.
1. Is this going to matter to me in 5 years?
Anything or anyone who would not matter to me when I turn 35, does not belong to my life. It may mean fair-weather friends. It may mean meaningless job opportunities. It may mean that pancake you want to have or that drink you want to avoid. I want to be asking myself - Is this going to matter to me in 5 years? If the answer is no, then I pass the offer. If the answer is yes, I go ahead.
For instance, going home at this time of my life is crucial. Practicing my healing services on Dad by hook or by crook is crucial. He needs to boost his body's natural healing process using this services. Last year he neither gave me time nor the opportunity to do the same. This time it is important since he is unwell and still healing with medicines.
The idea now is that I am going to stay there only for a week. The sense of urgency will make him comply. Beg, borrow, steal! ;-)
Some job offers/ projects I could pass this way, some projects I could keep. I would like to do meaningful projects when I still have the upper hand with my experience and skill-set.
Some friendships too. I realized I don't need this big circle. It's not very helpful and just becomes a means to spread gossip about myself instead. Everyone's fighting for themselves. People hardly care about others. Sigh!
2. Fuck Yes/No or Light/Heavy or Muscle Test
This is my favorite method. Three different philosophies concur here and I follow the energy. How do I make decisions now and know that it is for my highest good.
Mark Manson Philosophy - Fuck Yes/No - If you don't feel excited about something to the point you want to yell "Fuck Yes!", don't do it. A lukewarm yes is a no. Similarly, when you want to shout "Hell No!" at some offer, it is no for you. You don't have to bring out your pros and cons sheet and do your analysis paralysis. Give it up! What to do if it is a lukewarm yes/no? Give it time. Wait till you get more clarity.
In terms of leaving my house in Bangalore, I can't imagine paying the huge amount of pending rent I have. But I can't imagine leaving the house so soon and having nowhere to stay by myself. I have started to grow on living by myself. It's liberating. I am more aware of my energies. I do my inner work more actively. It's easier to counsel people energetically/intuitively since there's no one else's energy to mess with. So. I can't imagine leaving the house yet without knowing where I want to stay. Traveling across places is great but it takes a toll on the skin and routines like daily walking or eating healthy. Not that I do, but I intend to do so. So, yes. I don't want to be a nomad. I want to let go of the house but I want to know where would I stay.
I can live with parents but for the long term it's a no. My friend asked "Do you think you live in the US that you need your own house?" Haha! Maybe western culture has influenced my life choices, or maybe it's my parents who insist on us being independent.
So, here's my lukewarm situation and I am going to wait for more clarity. I no longer am in a space to discuss things over my morning or evening cup of tea with people I live with. I have somehow become so hyper-independent that that part of me is lost, who would like to spend quality time with people and have conversations. Now I can mostly live without expressing my views or opinions or wants. I also happen to like it this way because of all the energy work or "woo woo" stuff I do. It keeps me protected of unnecessary anxiety or trying to prove myself right or wrong. It's not the best method yet, but I am still learning. It's good for my health as of now but I would have to find my balance.
Light/Heavy - This is from Access Consciousness. You choose the option that feels light or easy breezy to you when you think of having that option. This does not mean no work or labor. It means no heaviness or stress or anxiety about choosing that option.
Does liking /flirting with this person feels light to me? Yes. So, I go ahead and do that. Does living with this person feels heavy to me? Yes. So, I avoid it. It's following the light/heavy energy in decision-making.
Muscle Test - In case you don't trust your feelings. You can simply do the muscle test and let your body decide. Your body knows as it follows the subconscious mind. Stand straight and loosen your body. If the answer to your question is yes, you automatically lean forward. If the answer is no, you lean backward. Try it. It is helpful in confusing situations and when you can't do the above two methods.
3. What kind of a life I would like to live in after 5 years? Is what I am doing currently contributing to that?
This is with respect to what I am doing currently and if that is something I should be changing or not. This puts instant gratification in the backseat and helps in envisioning the future.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? I have absolutely no idea. But what kind of a life do I want for myself at the age of 35?
a) Stellar Mental Health - For me, it is the most important thing. I do compromises with my physical health, but I can't with my mental health. I think if both the things are out of place then whatever we are doing don't make any sense at all, money or no money, good or bad.
I am currently, taking care of my mental heatlh, and regulating my nervous system. I am loving it.
b) Having Recognized Bodies of Works Out - If I am not writing, it means I don't care about this part of the future of mine. It means it's not a priority. With this thought I sit for one hour in the morning, and even if I have to crawl myself out of those difficult sixty minutes, I try to do this as a routine. It's important for me. It's going to be important for me at the age of 35. I need to have some writing in hand to publish something. And there needs to be more.
c) Amazing Physical Health - I would be lying if I say it's a priority. But I want to make it one. I always imagine the future and assume I'd be hotter and fitter. Of course, I get hotter because we all evolve with the latest fashion trends. But my knees crack and my organs are not doing great, so, I would like to get fitter. For which, I need to check my portion every day, do mindful eating, and 15-30 minutes of yoga. The solution is very simple, if only I can start. I would like to assume going home would help in this case.
d) Luxurious Lifestyle - This too needs to become a priority sooner or later. To have a lifestyle filled with ease, joy and glory, I would have to soon focus on how am I going to earn, with which job or which business or which project. The ideal life would be to have 10 projects/businesses running around at the same time. But let's see. I would like my work-life balance, and I would like the luxurious way I live in currently. I would also like the five elements of intimacy in my life and job/business- Honour, Gratitude, Allowance, Trust, Vulnerability. I have been slacking on this one but come May I will probably resume life.
e) Frequent Travels, More Writing, More Talking - Check!
f) More Learning - Will resume this too from May, and I am excited about it.
4. Are you surviving or are you thriving?
I was thriving in 2020 and some parts of 2021. I like thriving. Surviving leads to the scarcity mindset. Thriving is a result of the abundance mindset. Although I have created a circumstance for myself which feels like survival or which pushes me to the survival mindset, I also want to be living a life that is more of abundance. I would like to be thriving and not surviving. And to do that later I need to start living and embodying it now. I do, often. Sometimes, I get scared. But we need to trust in the Universe and in our future just like we did in school. I came first when I wanted to come first just by perseverance and willpower. I got 98-99 when I wanted 100, which is close, The bottom-line is that I could dream of 100, I could want 100, I could expect 100 from myself. I got the job I wanted, the promotion I asked for and the roles I applied for. So what else can I expect from myself now? I can't or rather should not give up on myself just because people keep asking me my future plans. They always do.
5. What would you choose if the outcome didn't matter?
Here's a hint of following your heart. Follow your bliss. Don't worry about how it will turn out or when it will turn out. Here's a hint of - what would you choose if you know you can't fail? Or what would you choose if no one would shame you for it?
In matters of heart, I always end up thinking of the outcome or if my family or friends would approve of someone or not. Their approval won't matter if I am convinced. They'd approve if I am sure about it. And if I am not, they won't approve even the best person in the world, they will feel no one is good enough for me that way.
Similarly in terms of creative pursuits, we can't conclude how many likes it will get or how many copies it will sell. We can do things just for the joy of doing them. And then evaluate what works and what doesn't. Let's not forget to enjoy simple pleasures of life. Let me write the book anyway, let me make pretty reels anyway, let me post silly stories, let me write childish notes. Whatever floats my boat. I would like to stop judging myself and start living instead.
