I’m a lot like Kellyane Conway or Kevin Hart. My daily dance-slash-“to do” card is filled with all kinds of things to check off all day long: meetings, interviews, consultations of various kinds. But today, I’m going to lighten my load by taking my personal four legged number one son….my canine Keye Luke…..my dog, Bixby to his vet’s office, a place he can smell from two miles away for a series of booster shots, a dental exam and the office visit highlight: the expressing of his anal gland.
Bixby’s anal gland is a gifted one. Most foul. If Cheney had only known how offensive, it could have changed the cause and effect of the second Iraqi war and we’d be at peace with what’s left of this conflict. Yes, it is indeed WMD like with a smell so offensive, Kurds run to the hills. Bashar al-Assad has left messages, inquiring as to my puppy’s powerful recital elixir, but I’ve never returned any of them.
Bixby expresses his like a skunk. People with umbrellas scare him. He was riding with me once on a rainy day and we passed by people walking along the sidewalk with umbrellas. He went crazy and with a rectal emission that eqalled a Vesuvisn flow,
The next thing I remember is the ambulance driver calling my name while dabbing my face with a cool compress. He told me I’d be okay and the local sheriff said my car simply drove off the road, and was stopped by soft brush. Very little damage. At least that’s what I think he said through his gas mask. The other EMT’s would be fine too….eventually. I hear one lost his mind, though.
I was lucky. Bixby stayed in the back seat, exhasusted by the effort of launching his many semi liquid salvos.
The people with the umbrellas were fine. The were pass the point of impact, but my back seat had melted. And it’s believed the hairs in my nostrils were singhed. I’d also suffered minored burns and could possibly still be able to bear children….or so they thought.
Bix’s last official in-office expression was about eight months ago. That posed problematic, as you might imagine. He cleared the place. And of course, word of my dog-son’s abilities have become well known around town. So, the vet’s office and I have agreed to meet at remote, rural location for this round. There’s some cedar and brush that a new developer wants to clear. I’ll be getting paid $50 for each quarter acre Bixby can defoliate.
It’s that powerful, that offensive to others, but also profitable for me I mean, dealing with my seven year old little man dog’s rectum comes with accost.
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