Hi friends! I'm Lauren and I blog over at WIFESTYLES where I talk about married life, fashion, daily adventures and everything else in between! I'm so honored that Kaitlyn asked me to share my personal story with you guys today.So, lets begin...
May 15th is the day my life changed forever. May 15th is the day I found out Justin and I were expecting our first child. I was at work when I decided to take a test, I just had a strange feeling I could be pregnant. As soon as that plus sign appeared on my generic pregnancy stick, my heart literally skipped a beat... maybe even two. The word ecstatic would be a complete understatement when used to describe my emotions at that moment. I had truly never been happier. Justin and I had been trying to get pregnant since October and it had finally happened!I already had this entire {super cute} scenario of how I would tell Justin planned, but that all went out the window. I couldn't wait a second longer! I had to tell him our amazing news. He was at work so I sent him a text and the convo went a little like this: I said, "I really need you to come straight home after work!!!! :)" He replied back with, "Why?" I then went on to say, "Just because I need you too!!! :) :) :)" Well that resulted in a phone call... as soon as he answered I just kept saying, "OMG OMG OMG!" I finally blurted out, "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!" and he truly said, "SHUT UP, you're lying..." I had to reassure him like 20 times that I was really telling the truth. {I clearly tell lies a lot in our relationship??} After his initial shock wore off, he couldn't have been happier. Once he got off work he bought me two more EPT pregnancy tests to "be sure!" He told me he didn't trust a Kroger brand test. After I had 3 BRIGHT positive plus signs he came to the final conclusion that I was indeed, very pregnant!We ended up telling all of our family that same night because we just can't keep secrets! We got both of our parents a card that stated: "Dear Grandma & Grandpa, You have 9 months to save up some money so that the spoiling can begin! I love you already... Love, Baby Fondaw." They loved it! Our families couldn't wait to have a new addition to the family. I can honestly say that day/night was one of the best days in my entire life. Two days later I went for my first appointment to confirm our pregnancy and get a check up. From the outside, baby and I were doing just fine.On Sunday, May 27th {at 8 weeks} I made our announcement public with these announcement photos. They were a huge hit in the FB/Twitter/Instagram world!
I posted this 3 month 'bumpdate' picture on FB/Instagram and wish SO badly that I blogged about my progress. This is the caption I posted along with the picture: "Our little babe is growing like crazy! As of last Saturday I'm officially 3 months pregnant! He/she is measuring in just a little over 1 ounce {about the size of a green olive} and has graduated from an embryo to a fetus! Mama is still feeling good and very excited about our first family trip to Nashville. Thanking God for this wonderful life and blessing!"
As the weeks kept progressing I was feeling better and better. My tiredness was beginning to fade and I just felt more like myself again. Justin and I had been discussing names, talking about room details as well as planning out our gender reveal party! I even decided to order these adorable little cupcake toppers for our party in August.
Since this Father's Day was Justin's first "OFFICIAL" one I just couldn't let it go by unnoticed. I got him a first Father's Day card and a onesie for each baby gender. He loved them both and I'm so glad I chose to celebrate it this year for him.
This picture below is the last picture I got to take of my tiny baby bump. I was at the pool swimming with the girls and glanced down and noticed just how much my bump had grown.
If you haven't noticed already, our story doesn't have our fairy tale ending that we had so desperately hoped for...
This part of our story is truly the saddest and hardest thing I've ever had to write. On Thursday, June 20th, Justin and I went to our doctors appointment to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. The nurse practitioner started rubbing the Doppler around my stomach and couldn't hear anything but my heartbeat. She tried and tried and kept reassuring me that this was completely normal with their older equipment. She finally "detected" our baby's heart beat at 144 but said she couldn't hear it because I was only 12 weeks along. I started crying on the bed because I knew deep down something was wrong. I convinced her to let me have an early ultrasound for the following Wednesday. Two days later- Saturday, June 22nd around 7am, I woke up covered in a sea of blood. I instantly started screaming/hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably. I knew right then that I had lost our baby. After rushing to the hospital and many tests/ultrasounds later, they confirmed that I was miscarrying our first child. They said the baby never fully developed and I more than likely lost the baby between 6 and 7 weeks and my body was just now starting to realize I was no longer pregnant. Tears covered my face, I had never felt more alone or helpless. Our first child, our BABY was no longer alive. I made my decision to have a D&C surgery done to remove the baby. I just didn't think I could handle passing our baby naturally and seeing our tiny baby come out that way.My heart still breaks...Our first child, MY baby was gone. For weeks I felt so alone, even when I had all the support in the world. No cards, no flowers, no kinds words could make my sorrow or pain go away. As the weeks went on I couldn't help but question God's will for us. I can't tell you how many times I cried out WHY and longed for answers. My heart was so empty and I had no real closure. Having a miscarriage is truly one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy. As I look ahead to the future, I'm hopeful and strong in my faith that God will bless us again in His timing with a beautiful, healthy baby. If you or someone you know is going through this same situation, please feel free to email me at anytime!Kaitlyn & I also invite any of you ladies out there who have a story about miscarriage that you would like to share, to link up your personal story below!
