Hey there! I'm Mandy and I blog over at Through the Hanson Lens about life with my husband, M, and all the things that change our "lens" on life! I first found Kaitlyn when I started my blog and was looking for other "wife" blogs. When we started out journey with the Army several months later, I knew she would be a great person to turn to for support! Many people get married to someone who is already in the military but that's not how it happened for us. When Kaitlyn asked me to talk about what it's like to have your spouse join the military, I was excited to tell our story!In April 2012, one of our best friends left for BCT (Basic Combat Training). For several months, this friend had been talking to my husband about enlisting with him so they could go to BCT together. My father-in-law has been in the Army since he was our age so I always knew there was a possibility that M would want to join. We hadn't had "the talk" about it since before we had started dating but I thought we'd avoided it then because he decided he wasn't going. I could see that longing in his eyes though and I was scared to hear him admit it. It seemed like the time was now or never. We were both in school but knew we wanted to start a family soon so we had to figure it out. We talked about his goals, our goals as a family, and decided together that he was going to join the Army. I cried and was sick to my stomach but I knew I had to support him in following this lifelong dream. The first time I saw the recruiter in my house, I cried even more. Was this really happening?
A month later he headed off to MEPS to be sworn in. I felt like I was going to throw up as I drove onto the post and tried to find the right building. I kept thinking, "are we doing the right thing?" There was a minor setback which pushed back him being sworn in by two weeks. I'm thankful for those two extra weeks in so many ways. It gave me the chance to discuss more fears that had come up and be more content with our decision. It also pushed back his leave date by two weeks so he was able to celebrate our first wedding anniversary at home instead of at training!
The rest of the Summer we spent every extra second we could together. All of that time still didn't make me feel prepared for the day he left, just a week after our first anniversary. I tried not to cry too much but I cry at everything so that was hopeless. He had his phone up until he entered the gates where he was training so I knew when he got there. We said our goodbyes and I thought that was the last I would hear from him until I started getting letters. I was doing surprisingly well! Then the phone rang and I jumped when I saw it was him. Oh how I wish I hadn't answered! He spoke rehearsed words and then hung up before I could respond. Seven seconds was all it took to make me realize he was gone. I knew they had control of what he said but it still broke my heart!
I wrote to him every single day. I clung to my phone, never letting it get even close to dying before I'd charge it. I moped around for a few weeks, he was all I could think about. Once the letters started flowing, I picked myself up and found a new feeling of independence. I prayed constantly that God would give me the strength to get through this, that our marriage would grow stronger because of this! I still had days, even a week or two, where I really struggled. Every time I would get really upset, a letter from M showed up and turned my day around!
When I traveled to see him for graduation, I had so many emotions running through my head. I was so excited to finally see my husband after a few months of being apart! Then I got really nervous and anxious. I knew M loved me and that he had changed but was his goofy personality still there? What if we didn't get along? What if I drive him crazy? What if's played in my head over and over. When I got to the right building (very late, an Army post was confusing to this new-comer) I frantically searched but honestly, they all looked the same! I spotted his smile and although he looked so different, I knew it was him. The "romantic" reunion I'd been picturing had gone out the window but it was replaced with the emotional one that we had.
Leaving him in AIT (Advanced Individual Training) was worse than him leaving for BCT. I didn't want to go because I knew what was ahead. Though AIT has made communication more frequent, my husband is still gone and he's so busy that we don't get to talk much each day. I never imagined that I would be a part of a military family but here we are and I could not be more proud of my husband! I have several milsos (military significant others) that help me through each day, I don't know how I could have made it through this without them as well. If you're new to military life, my biggest piece of advice would be to reach out and find other milsos! Friends and family can be helpful but the only ones who can truly understand are those who are in this journey as well.
When someone says "you knew what you were getting into when you married him," like that should make this easier, I just laugh. I knew there would be distance and lack of communication but I never knew there were so many rules and acronyms or that I'd know all of M's friends by their last names! I didn't know this would be our future when we got married but even if I had, you cannot prepare for this experience. Just because you knew there would be distance doesn't make it any easier! I rely on God every day for the strength to deal with this lifestyle. I know it's all in His plan for our lives! Reach out to a military spouse, they probably need an ear to listen! I'd love to hear about your journey with the military so don't be afraid to reach out to me!
Do you have a story or post about being a military spouse? We would love for you to link up below!
