I
The inky clouds, pregnant
with heavy rain, were slowly gathering at the western horizon of the sky. An
excited wind blew from the west, bellowing mad whistles and determinedly trying
to blow away the tin roofs of the slum houses that lay beyond the patch of high-rises
where Neera lived. The wing-like fronds of the tall Palm trees that lined the
boundary walls of the housing complex, thrashed and writhed as the sadistic
wind played with them ruthlessly. Yet they bowed their crowned heads low before
the wind. It was almost as if they were worshipping their torturer.
It was not long before the
storm hit the shore with full force. It had been very long two months of
scorching heat waves. The solemn prayer of every living being on the earth was finally
about to be answered.
Any other day Neera too would
have welcomed the impending thunderstorm with open arms. She would have cried
out of joy as the crazy wind, the messenger of the storm, carried the first
dust into her mouth. But today she just looked wearily up at the sky from her
hanging chair on the terrace where she had been sitting since she didn’t know
when, since when Avro had left.
Today the cloud resembled
a giant Octopus, extending its muscled tentacles to engulf the blue sky much
like the hairy insect that was threatening to swallow her heart now. She shook
a little, partly because she was astonished by the anomaly of the nature, the co-existence
of the opposites – the vast blue sky and the massive black cloud separated only
by a thin line of crisp orange, and partly because of all the emotions that played
havoc in her heart. Faint lightning was appearing under the cloud followed by a
muted roar. A great battle was going on under the seemingly unmoved façade of
the cloud. It was not much different than the battle she was fighting inside
her. She was finding it very hard to stay calm just like the clouds that were
turning more turbulent each second.
And then it came.
Suddenly. Without a warning. Before Neera could react to the hissing sound made
by the first few drops when they steamed after falling on the hot surface, it
started to pelt.
II
Neera made a cup of ginger
tea for herself after a long warm bath. Ginger tea was the best to calm the
nerves down, her mom used to say.
“Mmph”, she wrinkled her
nose at the first sip. The tea was too sweet. She must have added sugar twice.
She carried the cup to the kitchen and threw the tea in the sink. The familiar twitch
in her body that she was used to, had now spread to both of her temples. Rather
they were throbbing in pain now.
Suddenly
an overwhelming nausea spread through her. She felt so weak in the knees that
she had to hold the edge of the kitchen counter to stay steady. Her knuckles
turned white as her grip tightened. “Why?” she cried out loud. “Why do I have
to go through this?”
Why
did Abir have to be out of country just now? She dialled up his cell. It rang.
Once, twice, thrice. “Oh! What the hell?” she shouted and threw the phone on
the sofa. And then collapsed on it. And then she cried. Violent sobs started
coming out from her chest. Her whole body shook. Hot tears burned her cheeks.
She let out a cry that surged from her heart with such a force that her ribs
vibrated. She drew her knees close and buried her face in them.
“Mom. She missed her
period”, five words hit her anew with renewed force. Not sudden and sharp like
the first time but a definite heavy awareness that seemed to choke her.
The warm bath had finally
worked its way through her body. But instead of calming her down, it brought
back the memories so suddenly that her skin prickled with the hyper active
nerves. The nature reciprocated her in perfect symphony. The crazy storm had
just gotten crazier.
III
“Mom. She missed her period”, was Avro’s last
spoken words to Neera before he had left in the afternoon. Neera had been busy
loosening the soil in a tub with a rake at that time and had looked up to her
son, her face full of incomprehension.
Avro had waited just long
enough to let the meaning sink in and then had left just as her expression had
started to change as the situation had started dawning upon her.
It
was such a sudden onslaught that it was over even before she felt it. A mingled
sense of disbelief, shock and denial had perplexed her. She had sat still, very
still like a statue. Only if you’d noticed very carefully you’d have known that
she was twitching – a nerve condition that had accompanied her for the past
twenty years. It was just like the calm that preceded the storm. Only it was
worse.
***
She went up to Avro’s
room, her legs barely holding her weight. Little Avro smiled at her from the photographs
that covered the entire wall at the back of his twin bed. She sighed as she sat
down heavily on the bed – when did her son grow up so much? She hadn’t even
noticed.
She still remembered so
clearly the little pink bundle of flesh wrapped in a white sheet. Again, how
long ago was it? Eighteen years. Eighteen long years. She hadn’t noticed until
just a couple of hours ago that her son had grown so much that he now had the
audacity to come to her and say that a girl was pregnant because of him.
A hot anger surged through
her. She wanted to slap her son till her hand fell off her stump. How dared he
approach her with something like this? Did he not have any shame? She had not
thought twice before giving up her life for him. While her friends attended
parties, she tended to her son. While her friends spoke at length about some
new hobbies she spoke about Avro’s school activities. She had provided him with
everything he needed and more. How was she going to be able to explain this to
Abir?
Then
suddenly her anger, all of it, overhauled. She felt a fury at herself. She was
a total failure of a mother. Her friends didn’t center the whole of their
universe on their children, yet they had turned out just fine, at least they
didn’t shame their parents like this. In fact she was a failure at everything.
Even Meera… Neera’s demented mind nibbled at the no-entry zone before she could
stop it. Once again a vigorous shiver ran through each of her pores which
screamed in agony as they stretched to their limit.
IV
“I
am pregnant.”
“What are you saying? Have you gone mad?
What a stupid idea of joke!”
“It’s true. I am not joking.”
“Oh my god! How could you do this?”
“I don’t know sis. I was an idiot I guess.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“He is avoiding me now. He is such a
coward. I need your help sis. Won’t you help me?”
“You stupid girl. How could you get
yourself pregnant when your boyfriend doesn’t even want to take responsibility?
Don’t you know what will happen next? How could you shame our family like this?
For you nobody will marry me now. We have to go shamefaced everywhere. Everyone
will mock us.”
“Please sis. I need your help. We can sort
this out. No one has to know.”
“Please don’t ask my help in any of the
sins you are going to do.”
“But how I can do this without your help
sis? Why don’t you think rationally?”
“YOU
want me to think rationally? Did you think rationally when you were having fun
with your boyfriend? Did you think about your family? About me? Now don’t shed
those crocodile tears now. Save them for later, when you face Ma.”
“Please don’t do this. Don’t tell Ma. I beg
you. I never meant for this sis. I didn’t know. If only you would help me.”
“I am so ashamed that I had to be your twin
sister.”
V
Avro’s room came into
focus slowly as Neera recovered from the blackout she suffered. She was lying
on the floor. Her head hurt terribly. She was sweating and was having trouble
to breathe. A dead volcanic memory had suddenly erupted to life in her mind
causing her to black out momentarily.
Her sister had died twenty
years ago. Wrong. Her sister had killed herself twenty years ago to escape from
an unwanted pregnancy and public humiliation. “It was time to face the truth”, Neera
said to herself.
At that time her parents had
been more concerned about getting her married before the scandal spread than
mourning her sister’s death. She too, was eager to get out of the
claustrophobic atmosphere of her home. She lived in a constant denial, fighting
the sense of guilt that threatened to consume her every now and then.
Abir had come like an
angel and had agreed to marry her ignoring all the juicy gossips about her
family. Next year Avro was born and Neera finally could start a new chapter in her
life. She was so happy to have a family of her own. It had truly seemed that
the dark days were over. Until now that is. How rare was it that a person had
to face such a situation in her lifetime; twice?
Neera felt so many
contradictory feelings. She feared that she might just explode. She was feeling
concerned for her son. At the same time she was angry at him too. A tiny part
of her was even proud that her son didn’t back up and was ready to take the
responsibility of his actions unlike her sister’s lover. She was scared of what
Abir would think of her. She felt terribly guilty of her sister’s death and an
unreasonable anger at herself. But above all, she was feeling an overwhelming
urge to help the little girl, who was right now suffering from an irresponsible
mistake.
Her clothes were wet from
the sweat. Faint salty lines from dried tears streaked her cheeks. Her hair was
dishevelled. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her nerves threatened to tear any moment.
But Neera got up from the
floor. It took a huge effort given the fact that her head felt so heavy. She
wiped her cheeks, smoothed her hair, took the phone in one steady hand and
dialled a familiar number.
The storm continued outside. But Neera felt calm. The storm of emotions that was raging inside her had subsided. She had taken the decision. Life rarely gave a second chance. Now that she had one, she wouldn’t waste it too. Neera sat still on the couch. Very still like a statue. But if you’d notice carefully you’d know that she was not twitching anymore. Love,
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Riot of Random
