Neera - A Tale of a Mother

Posted on the 16 September 2013 by Rajrupa @irajrupa
I The inky clouds, pregnant with heavy rain, were slowly gathering at the western horizon of the sky. An excited wind blew from the west, bellowing mad whistles and determinedly trying to blow away the tin roofs of the slum houses that lay beyond the patch of high-rises where Neera lived. The wing-like fronds of the tall Palm trees that lined the boundary walls of the housing complex, thrashed and writhed as the sadistic wind played with them ruthlessly. Yet they bowed their crowned heads low before the wind. It was almost as if they were worshipping their torturer. It was not long before the storm hit the shore with full force. It had been very long two months of scorching heat waves. The solemn prayer of every living being on the earth was finally about to be answered. Any other day Neera too would have welcomed the impending thunderstorm with open arms. She would have cried out of joy as the crazy wind, the messenger of the storm, carried the first dust into her mouth. But today she just looked wearily up at the sky from her hanging chair on the terrace where she had been sitting since she didn’t know when, since when Avro had left. Today the cloud resembled a giant Octopus, extending its muscled tentacles to engulf the blue sky much like the hairy insect that was threatening to swallow her heart now. She shook a little, partly because she was astonished by the anomaly of the nature, the co-existence of the opposites – the vast blue sky and the massive black cloud separated only by a thin line of crisp orange, and partly because of all the emotions that played havoc in her heart. Faint lightning was appearing under the cloud followed by a muted roar. A great battle was going on under the seemingly unmoved façade of the cloud. It was not much different than the battle she was fighting inside her. She was finding it very hard to stay calm just like the clouds that were turning more turbulent each second. And then it came. Suddenly. Without a warning. Before Neera could react to the hissing sound made by the first few drops when they steamed after falling on the hot surface, it started to pelt. II Neera made a cup of ginger tea for herself after a long warm bath. Ginger tea was the best to calm the nerves down, her mom used to say. “Mmph”, she wrinkled her nose at the first sip. The tea was too sweet. She must have added sugar twice. She carried the cup to the kitchen and threw the tea in the sink. The familiar twitch in her body that she was used to, had now spread to both of her temples. Rather they were throbbing in pain now.    Suddenly an overwhelming nausea spread through her. She felt so weak in the knees that she had to hold the edge of the kitchen counter to stay steady. Her knuckles turned white as her grip tightened. “Why?” she cried out loud. “Why do I have to go through this?”    Why did Abir have to be out of country just now? She dialled up his cell. It rang. Once, twice, thrice. “Oh! What the hell?” she shouted and threw the phone on the sofa. And then collapsed on it. And then she cried. Violent sobs started coming out from her chest. Her whole body shook. Hot tears burned her cheeks. She let out a cry that surged from her heart with such a force that her ribs vibrated. She drew her knees close and buried her face in them. “Mom. She missed her period”, five words hit her anew with renewed force. Not sudden and sharp like the first time but a definite heavy awareness that seemed to choke her. The warm bath had finally worked its way through her body. But instead of calming her down, it brought back the memories so suddenly that her skin prickled with the hyper active nerves. The nature reciprocated her in perfect symphony. The crazy storm had just gotten crazier. III  “Mom. She missed her period”, was Avro’s last spoken words to Neera before he had left in the afternoon. Neera had been busy loosening the soil in a tub with a rake at that time and had looked up to her son, her face full of incomprehension. Avro had waited just long enough to let the meaning sink in and then had left just as her expression had started to change as the situation had started dawning upon her.    It was such a sudden onslaught that it was over even before she felt it. A mingled sense of disbelief, shock and denial had perplexed her. She had sat still, very still like a statue. Only if you’d noticed very carefully you’d have known that she was twitching – a nerve condition that had accompanied her for the past twenty years. It was just like the calm that preceded the storm. Only it was worse. *** She went up to Avro’s room, her legs barely holding her weight. Little Avro smiled at her from the photographs that covered the entire wall at the back of his twin bed. She sighed as she sat down heavily on the bed – when did her son grow up so much? She hadn’t even noticed. She still remembered so clearly the little pink bundle of flesh wrapped in a white sheet. Again, how long ago was it? Eighteen years. Eighteen long years. She hadn’t noticed until just a couple of hours ago that her son had grown so much that he now had the audacity to come to her and say that a girl was pregnant because of him. A hot anger surged through her. She wanted to slap her son till her hand fell off her stump. How dared he approach her with something like this? Did he not have any shame? She had not thought twice before giving up her life for him. While her friends attended parties, she tended to her son. While her friends spoke at length about some new hobbies she spoke about Avro’s school activities. She had provided him with everything he needed and more. How was she going to be able to explain this to Abir?    Then suddenly her anger, all of it, overhauled. She felt a fury at herself. She was a total failure of a mother. Her friends didn’t center the whole of their universe on their children, yet they had turned out just fine, at least they didn’t shame their parents like this. In fact she was a failure at everything. Even Meera… Neera’s demented mind nibbled at the no-entry zone before she could stop it. Once again a vigorous shiver ran through each of her pores which screamed in agony as they stretched to their limit. IV  “I am pregnant.” “What are you saying? Have you gone mad? What a stupid idea of joke!” “It’s true. I am not joking.” “Oh my god! How could you do this?” “I don’t know sis. I was an idiot I guess.” “Did you tell him?” “Yes.” “What did he say?” “He is avoiding me now. He is such a coward. I need your help sis. Won’t you help me?” “You stupid girl. How could you get yourself pregnant when your boyfriend doesn’t even want to take responsibility? Don’t you know what will happen next? How could you shame our family like this? For you nobody will marry me now. We have to go shamefaced everywhere. Everyone will mock us.” “Please sis. I need your help. We can sort this out. No one has to know.” “Please don’t ask my help in any of the sins you are going to do.” “But how I can do this without your help sis? Why don’t you think rationally?” YOU want me to think rationally? Did you think rationally when you were having fun with your boyfriend? Did you think about your family? About me? Now don’t shed those crocodile tears now. Save them for later, when you face Ma.” “Please don’t do this. Don’t tell Ma. I beg you. I never meant for this sis. I didn’t know. If only you would help me.” “I am so ashamed that I had to be your twin sister.” V Avro’s room came into focus slowly as Neera recovered from the blackout she suffered. She was lying on the floor. Her head hurt terribly. She was sweating and was having trouble to breathe. A dead volcanic memory had suddenly erupted to life in her mind causing her to black out momentarily. Her sister had died twenty years ago. Wrong. Her sister had killed herself twenty years ago to escape from an unwanted pregnancy and public humiliation. “It was time to face the truth”, Neera said to herself. At that time her parents had been more concerned about getting her married before the scandal spread than mourning her sister’s death. She too, was eager to get out of the claustrophobic atmosphere of her home. She lived in a constant denial, fighting the sense of guilt that threatened to consume her every now and then. Abir had come like an angel and had agreed to marry her ignoring all the juicy gossips about her family. Next year Avro was born and Neera finally could start a new chapter in her life. She was so happy to have a family of her own. It had truly seemed that the dark days were over. Until now that is. How rare was it that a person had to face such a situation in her lifetime; twice? Neera felt so many contradictory feelings. She feared that she might just explode. She was feeling concerned for her son. At the same time she was angry at him too. A tiny part of her was even proud that her son didn’t back up and was ready to take the responsibility of his actions unlike her sister’s lover. She was scared of what Abir would think of her. She felt terribly guilty of her sister’s death and an unreasonable anger at herself. But above all, she was feeling an overwhelming urge to help the little girl, who was right now suffering from an irresponsible mistake. Her clothes were wet from the sweat. Faint salty lines from dried tears streaked her cheeks. Her hair was dishevelled. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her nerves threatened to tear any moment. But Neera got up from the floor. It took a huge effort given the fact that her head felt so heavy. She wiped her cheeks, smoothed her hair, took the phone in one steady hand and dialled a familiar number.
The storm continued outside. But Neera felt calm. The storm of emotions that was raging inside her had subsided. She had taken the decision. Life rarely gave a second chance. Now that she had one, she wouldn’t waste it too. Neera sat still on the couch. Very still like a statue. But if you’d notice carefully you’d know that she was not twitching anymore. Love,

© copyright 2013 – All rights reserved

Riot of Random