I’ve been finding it difficult to focus on anything recently, including this blog. I think often about things I need to write, but my brain is reaching deep into some ancient reserve of energy just to allow me to get through my regular weekly schedule. Even as I write, my eyes are blurry and my brain is stuttering and fixating, not allowing me my usual fluidity or ease.
I got the call that I’ve been waiting for: I am in with the neurologist first thing tomorrow morning. When I received the phone call an hour ago, I immediately became light headed and nauseous with excitement, nerves and anticipation… and perhaps an overdose of caffeine. My hopes are up, I’m scared and suspicious and so incredibly optimistic. Please let it be good.
Couldn’t eat even my tiny lunch, I just sleep walked outside to a bench in the sun and lay there, trying to still my heart and feel my connectedness to the hard warm wood under my head. I feel as though I might float away. And cry. And laugh. I could be going crazy. I’m an idiot.