I left off telling you about my “first love” who we are calling L, and the slow process of realizing he wasn’t right for me, while trying to find out who was, and what I wanted. During this time my best friend, Ellen and I were still on a rediscovery process. We were both rebounding, but hadn’t admitted to ourselves that our previous relationships weren’t going to work out. The boys we were seeing were actually best friends, cliche aint it? It made it hard to let the relationships fail though. Harder than it would be normally. We thought we had it figured out best friends dating best friends. Next we’d be moving to the suburbs, putting up white picket fences, with joining back yards. In reality I don’t think we had really gone that far in our thinking, but we did enjoy always getting to hang out because we were a 4-some. It was like breaking-up with 3 people instead of 1. Of course, Ellen and I weren’t going to break up though.
One night we decided we should get out of the house and head to our first rebound party. I’m pretty sure we knew our “boys” were going to be there, but we kind of wrote it off. Or maybe I was hoping once again that L and I would make things work, because he’s all I really knew in terms of dating. I know I proclaimed to have given up on him, but deep down I didn’t want to. I had this attachment to him, not even him but to what I thought we could be. Even though it was obvious he didn’t have the same thoughts toward me. He wouldn’t hide other girls from me, he flat out had other girls around that he would be kissing and holding their hand while I was there. I would be mad at him at the time, but the next time I saw him and he actually wanted me I would melt at the knees and fall back into his arms.
We went to this party. I saw L. All I remember is him kind of smirking at me when he walked in the door. He acknowledged that I was there, but had no interest in hanging out with me. That was clear. After I saw him, I was almost so angry that I didn’t care, it felt like I reached that limit and was pushed passed it to the point that I just had no feelings left. Literally an hour after arriving at the party Jared and I were introduced. (long version is here)
After we met, I didn’t pay attention to L once. I didn’t care to. I wasn’t trying to make him jealous. I am not even sure how I knew at the time. It’s like there was a little bird on my shoulder letting me know that I didn’t have to deal with L’s roller coaster anymore. I had just met the rest of my life, and I couldn’t have been more excited about who it was standing in front of me. Jared was this perfect man. He is tall with bright big blue eyes. He had full facial hair that was cut down to just a stubble. At the time he also had a little stud lip ring. Which just made my knees weak. Take the perfect man, and add a pinch of a rebellion, a don’t care attitude. When he first started talking to me I remember feeling like a woman for the first time. I didn’t feel like the nervous teen fighting acne. Even though I was only 18. I felt like a gorgeous woman, because this amazing man had taken the time to notice me and pick me out in a house full of people. People who were very interested in him.
We spent the night talking and flirting. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t hold hands, and we didn’t do anything aside from sitting on the couch and playing a little handheld pinball game. We kept betting fake money, I’d win and get so excited, that I would shriek and holler. He’d just smile and laugh under his breath. This went on for hours. Finally his friend was ready to go, and practically pushing him out the door. He didn’t leave without getting my number.
The next day Jared sent me a text to chat. Before I would text him back, I called Ellen. I asked her if she like Jared, a girl needs her best friends approval. Plus Ellen was always saying the guys that I met at parties were always total creeps. I asked her what she thought of Jared. She immediately gave me her approval. She said she thought he was way more handsome than L, and seemed to be super nice. I was so excited that she and I were on the same page. I hung up, with her and text Jared back. We talked a bit about work, and school. Simple get to know you texts back and forth. That was it.
I didn’t hear from Jared for a few days, and had already decided that I wasn’t going to be the needy one. I wasn’t going to let myself get carried away. I wasn’t trying to play a game, but I was trying to protect myself. I really didn’t know what would happen with Jared. I didn’t want to end up letting myself get so torn up over him, like I did with L. I decided to take a back seat and let Jared lead the relationship. I didn’t want to be forceful or ungrateful, I wanted to enjoy this budding romance. I wanted to cherish every text and each minute that we would spend together unlike with L where I was so concerned that the next time I saw him he’d have another girl on his arm.