There is a possibility I end up sounding like a wizened old woman shuffling round going: "What did we do before all this technology? How did we manage?" And then the only way to silence me will be to give me a boiled sweetie (Werther's preferably) and turn the Archers up really loud.
However, with a bit of luck, I can reveal myself to be a young-at-heart, early adopter, who is down with the young folk, in the hood (or something).
But given that my children think I've been prematurely fossilised and haven't got anything relevant to say about anything, the truth must be somewhere in the middle.
I'm talking about how apps have taken over life. Well mine anyway. There hardly seems to be any task I undertake that doesn't get a bit better by using an app.
My current favourites are:
My Fitness Pal. Telling me how much I need to eat to lose weight and then the horrible truth of how much I've actually eaten. Providing I don't tell it a lie.
Audible. Real whole books being read to me, in my ear, any time I like. I'm considering growing my hair long so that the rest of the family don't realize I've actually been listening to something far more interesting than them.
10K Free by Zen Labs. Training for May's 10K race. The American lady whispers in my ear when I need to run and, mercifully, when I need to walk. The best bit is that she says: "You are half way." And I know it's time to run home.
Navfree. Sorry TomTom, it's time for a gold watch and some gardening. "After the garden shed, start weeding."
Weather. I know I could look out of the window, but it's over there and iPad and I are quite comfy here on the sofa.
Blogsy. Not ideal, but pretty good for getting those mustn't forget ideas down before they melt away like a snowman, leaving a puddle and a little sad sensation.
Remember The Milk. This one lets me put to-do lists on everything that talk to each other. Marvellous.
And finally, there's the app-solute essentials of Twitter, Facebook, eBay, Spotify and iPlayer, but everyone uses them all the time.
But there are some I'd like to find. They've probably been invented I just don't have the app that would help me look for them.
App-le pie in the sky:
Chore app. To get the kids to do stuff around the house without me telling them. So maybe I'm just looking for a synthetic nagger.
What's for tea app? Something that tells me what I should make that makes best use of my time and what's in the fridge.
Dictaphone app. Which is best now my six-year-old Dictaphone is sounding crackly? By the way, what's six real years translated into digital years?
Where's my specs/your shoes/his bag/their coats app?
Honest opinion app Says 'yes your arse looks huge' or 'looks great just don't bend over'.
Finds the word app. Knows that person's name, the song title or even that thing you were going to tell everyone about, if only you could remember.
Round of app-lause for the best suggestions.