Oh the joys of blogging. Conferences.
When I read about what it was about, I thought, "Now that's a great conference! Using your blog to share Christ and really make the blog about showing Christ and not yourself".
I was astounded by the price and unfortunately, I could not afford to go even if I wanted to. I know they have scholarship programs, discounts, etc., but it wouldn't have been realistic this year. Maybe next year!
Then as I read more and more posts about it, I got this sinking feeling. I started to read more about bloggers who felt lonely, alienated, an outsider, and I just couldn't understand how this conference could make anyone feel that way...Then I remembered, we are human.
Reading each heart-wrenching post took me back to middle school. Picture gapped teeth, frizzy curly hair, and being practically invisible to the "cool kids". I had boyfriends, I had friends, but I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I tried anything and everything to fit in. I would buy more expensive clothes, say cuss words {at inopportune times that didn't make sense; DORK}. I would wear my hair down, hair up, more make up, less make up. I tried it all. That time was honestly hellacious. I got bad grades, in school suspension {that made me more of a loser}, and every boy I liked turned me down in 2 seconds flat. I started believing what I was told and how I felt. I believed I didn't belong. I believed I was ugly or a goody two shoes. I believed I was worth less than the other girls. As time went on things got better. I came into my own and I made a lot of friends and had my share of boyfriends {not that it matters the most}. The truth is though, that feeling never quite goes away and it makes me hurt when others feel the same. I regret making that time in middle school about me and not taking the time to make others feel better about themselves. At the time, I was one of the rare kids who talked about Jesus, church, and doing something good with my life. I should have seen it as an opportunity to share that more with those that didn't quite fit in.
I don't say this for pity or to make others feel bad for what I went through. I say it because there are hundreds of people around you that feel the same way. The truth is, at a conference you're not going to be able to meet everyone or hug everyone's neck. You can't possibly introduce yourself to everyone in the room with workshops, sessions, and transitions going on. But, you can remember a time when you felt like no one and use that to make someone else feel like they are someone. I am not 100% sure how I would act at a conference of that magnitude. I would hope I could be like Jack in "Titanic" and sit down with the elite and come up with some witty remark that would put the others in their place. Unfortunately, I don't work that well under pressure. I would hope that when I would step into a room full of mostly women and not want to run away screaming that I could find that one that seems to be alone and talk to her. I would hope that I could set my own issues aside and really care for someone else more than myself.
Of course, all of these things I can do in everyday life. No conference required. I am learning more and more that being a grown up isn't always glamorous or empowering. Sometimes it takes true self sacrifice and dying to my own intimidation of others. I don't have to fit in all of the time. In fact, I believe that those on the outside are blessed. That means we can see others who need to feel love and care more than we do.
