On Opening Day, Valentine Tells Players: There is an "I" in Team

The stories of Bobby Valentine's many talents seem to go on and on, most of them told by Valentine himself. Inventor of the wrap sandwich, director of public safety in Stamford, CT, prolific ballroom dancer, and, of course, legendary folk hero of the Japanese. Rumors that he invented sushi have not been confirmed as we went to press. During a recent team meeting, Bobby V spoke to the team at length about the many glorious accomplishments that are his life, and concluded with one strong message.

"So gentlemen, as you listen to my ceaseless discourse, keep one thing in mind," he said. "Contrary to popular sports philosophy, there is an "I" in team. And I am the I. The focus will be on me. When we win, I have won. When we lose, you have lost. I am the star, you are the supporting cast. I am the king, you are my peasants. I am I, gentlemen, I am I."

Afterwards, the players seemed perplexed. "That's a hell of a rallying cry," said Dustin Pedroia. "I'm just waiting for exact directions on when I'm supposed to kiss his rings...oh wait, he never won anything." Josh Beckett shrugged, "I was always under the assumption that I am I. But now I guess he is."

Valentine merely laughed when questioned about the wisdom of his philosophy. "The great Sun Tzu once said, 'Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?'" he explained. "But I think I say it better: I can do all, I don't need to imagine it."

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bill@callofthegreenmonster.com