Self Expression Magazine

"On the Road I Dream of Home and When at Home I Dream of Action" - The Zolas

Posted on the 28 November 2011 by Sassarella Says @cnigara
I spent a few days back in the dirtaay that is New Jersaaaay and I loved it. It's always nice to go home, however I realize now that it's nice to go home in small doses. This dose was a little too small, I could have used the rest of Friday night with my people but such is life. I realized that some of the things that I really and truly miss about home are some of the same things that I don't miss at all. For instance, I miss the crap out of my little dog Luc but I certainly don't miss taking him outside in the cold and rainy weather when I'm still in my pajamas. I miss my gym. I miss the classes it offers, the trainers, and the time I spend there with my mom and Lauren but I don't miss making small talk all the way through the g.d. place. Some people I enjoy seeing, and if I saw you this week I'm not referring to you, but sometimes I just want to get in and get out (that's what she said). 
I miss driving and in particular, I miss my car. Ahh the freedom of a car, better yet, the freedom of a car in the suburbs. Having a car in a city is a much different experience. It's more confined and annoying but in the 'burbs, you go wherever you want whenever you want. However, I don't miss the traffic on River Road by Hanover Park High School when trying to get to Route 10. I miss the food. Hot damn do New Jersey Italians knows how to cook! I miss Nonna's, I miss escarole and egg plant parm. I miss Italian bread, fresh mozzarella cheese, and amazing pizza, however, I don't miss actually eating this food all the time. It's unlike anything else but hellooooo fatness! I miss Sona Thirteen. I miss spending time there with Laur, Tanya, Hillary, and Gabs. I miss running into Sammy, Dan, and the Greco's. I miss walking around like we own the place. I miss a certain bouncer, however, I don't miss the fact that of the billion times I've been there, I can only count on one hand the amount of love interests I've met there. It's filled with ex-boyfriends, previous mistakes, middle school classmates, and short-legged Italians in Ed Hardy t-shirts and Louis Vuitton sneakers.
You get my point.
How is it possible that a state that I would defend to the death is one that I can't live in right now? I am miserable at home with the exception of Sona Thirteen and Lauren Ann (haha kidding but not kidding). I miss Lauren but I don't miss seeing her tears when I leave. I don't miss tearing up right along with them when saying goodbye to my sister, my mom, Sheryl, and Andrea. Yup, that happened. Friday night I had to leave the party early and cue the water works!
I miss the Jersey lifestyle. I miss the larger than life mentality. I miss the nice cars and the fancy clothes. I miss the glitz and the glam but I don't miss the absolute pressure to do so. I don't miss the competitive nature of the women to out-do each other in every way possible. I don't miss the pressure to look hotter and a tad sluttier than everyone else at Sona. I don't miss going to the Short Hills Mall, wanting to buy everything but actually unable to afford anything. I miss home but there's not a whole lot of things that are better than being able to answer the question, "How do you like living DC?" with "I love it! I'm very happy."
So, like I said, this dose of home was a little bit too small but I think it served it's purpose none-the-less. I needed a change of pace, I needed time with my people, and I think my people needed it too. The trip was necessary because there is only so much one can convey to her best friend over the telephone. It was necessary because it confirmed that I am much better off living away from home. And I think, although the jury is still out, but I think it kicked the little man in the pit of my stomach to the curb. In other words, I think I needed a few days away from my DC routine to really feel over him. With the exception of freakin' foursquare, I didn't even think about him. I had no reason to because I was with the most important people in my life. The people that really matter. The people who make me a priority in their lives. I talk so much about the people in my life, whether they be friends, guys, or family members, but I never talk about the people who make me part of their lives. Yes, of course they are the same people, but it's a different perspective, ya know? Anyway, it was good, it was needed, and it was healthy. 
Sassarella Says...who says you can't go home? Even if it is only for three days! Sometimes three days is all you need to re-group. In three days I saw the most important people. In three days I got a helping of everything I miss while recognizing that it's not where I'm meant to live right now. In fact, without even thinking about it I called DC "home" for the first time in my life. Yes, I quote, "I can't believe I have to go home on Friday!" Maybe it's because I have my own place or because it feels like where I belong right now. I have a confidence about me there that I force when I'm in New Jersey. It's weird but true. Welp, I'm back "home" and looking forward to whatever else comes my way. Deuces.

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