"My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there." ― Rumi
Where I've Been...
I hardly know where to start. I resist writing (and have for years) because I know it will get me 'in my feelings' (to quote a recent Drake song). I resist feeling whatever emotions will invariably surface through the writing because I do not like to feel overpowered by emotion. I do not like to feel out of control. Not knowing what is seeking to be revealed is unnerving to me. I do not like shocking surprises.
And herein lies my problem.
In reality, I control nothing. Only within that figment of my mind, which perceives its power to maneuver in certain ways do I hear the whispers, "I got this," while falling headfirst into that illusion, leaving us both scrambling to recover, and hiding in the corner like a scolded child.
The long and short of it is that I am a deeply feeling and emotional being. And despite the fact that I have opened myself to all manner of healing work over the years, there is still stuff down there, (in the land of sub consciousness), that lurks and needs to be released. Because I do not know what that darkness is, I stay on top of things by staying in my mindset of illusory control.
The irony is that eventually, no matter how much any of us tries to repress and hold down the deeds, the memories, the buried heartbreak and shadows that creep stealthily through the dark places within us, we will eventually have to contend with ourselves. That stuff will find its way to the surface. It must. Darkness seeks the light, despite itself. All things are revealed in the light of day. Everything will be unearthed in its own divine timing. When that day comes for me, as that moment comes for me, I will be wholly new, naked, no longer able to be the less-than I always tried to embody.
On My Way...
I have no place left to live but in my own heart.~Anne Enright
And so, in the interest of not being harshly thrust into full awareness, in an unanticipated moment, I yield now. I surrender. I release control issues.
Because I know my time is here.
And while I brace for the impending release of my own unfinished business, I sense that my uncovering is unfolding simultaneously. I am coming to the surface of my own consciousness very soon, emergence aided by some serious cosmological energies, (which will affect us all one way or t'other). For me, on the other side of it, is a whole new being, is the real me.
It is who I have pretended not to be.
In super consciousness, I am already experiencing the release and relief on the other side of this process of releasing the dark edges, and exposing the lies I've told myself .
How do I know this?
I can feel it. I can sense it. I can see it. And I know that there is no path forward, no further development in the ways I am meant to blossom, without it. And, it's time. And the astrological, cosmological energies of this moment have conspired precisely so that I could. And, the divine within me guides me, and confirms the deepest truth I can possibly understand and integrate in this fleshly form, at this very moment.
What I know...I am at the threshold of new beginnings. I am standing at the doorway of tomorrow. It is for this time and this moment that I came into this body, and into life here. All these years lived, all this experience lived in a kind of blissful ignorance of a greater awareness, (and my greatest potential), limited to an ordinary Matrix life, (meaning I had limited awareness and understanding, with only a 3D perspective to see through), was for a precise (but meaningful) moment that would signal to me readiness for my journey forward. It could not have happened any sooner. The impact of this point to me packs a wallop to my sensibilities, not unlike the punch of my uncle, Joe Louis' fist across any opponent's jaw. I am momentarily stunned.
And so, as I now move into this new phase, I am realizing that my life holds a special significance that I will only come to realize as I look back from future time. I do not have all the details in this moment, but my spirit nudges me forward. Despite trepidation, I inch slowly ahead. I intuit that there will be shifts of thinking, changes in beliefs and ideologies, surprising actions (to some), freedom from limiting beliefs, and an emergence of the self I was always meant to be during this process.
It is for healing. It is for love. It is for the perpetuation of life. I am one of many who are preparing, too, at this unique moment in so-called time to take up the roles, which we agreed to step into in the before-life, and that are for healing, for love, for the perpetuation of life. For today. For tomorrow. For forever.
But now, in this moment, this is my life. And I am willing to step into and embrace it fully, emerging as the real me.
© 2018. Egyirba High. All Rights Reserved.
Feel free to share this post with others, as long as you include the copyright information and keep the whole posting intact. If you like this piece, please share it with others. You can like me on to see more of my writing and my personal and spiritual journey.
