And, when I do it...
"Why don't I ever get anyone to read any of my posts?" Yes, there is this other problem, this time about me. Not content with getting trolled online, I go seeking my friends so that I can get personally trolled. "That's because you don't know the first thing about human nature." "What do you mean? I..." "Well, tell me, in any conversation what gets the most attention and interest? Information or gossip?" As one of the foremost practitioners of sleeping in class, I was obviously not going to choose information, was I? "Right, gossip! And what really counts as gossip? Telling people good things about the 'gossippee', if I may call him so? Or telling them dirty secrets about the chap?" Was this guy an idiot? I mean, come on, who wants to listen to the good points of someone else? If people WILL spend time on doing that, they should be doing it about me. Naturally, I want someone telling me why someone else is an asshole, so that I can feel comfortably superior to him. "Well, good things about another guy only counts as information, not gossip." My friend looked at me with surprise. "Ah! You know that? Surprising. Then, knowing full well that people hate information and like gossip, why the hell..." "But I don't give information..." "You write things that expect the reader to think. That counts as information because it is certainly not gossip." "You mean..." "If you wrote calling people names, now THAT would interesting reading." "But, come on, you expect me to wake up of a morning and just call someone or the other names? How..." "Now THAT is why you will never succeed in becoming viral. You don't know the first thing about making yourself interesting." "So, tell me how.""It can't be just someone. It has to be some celebrity or someone who is known to everyone in your target audience."
"But where will I get those dirty secrets to..." "Look up the news daily and see what you can get outraged about. Some celebrity, some politician, some government official somewhere is bound to do something which you can get outraged with. And, presto..." "That's it? I just wake up in the morning, all set to get outraged about something or the other, and look for reasons to do so?" "In a nutshell, yes. If some actor, say, remains silent on what you think they should support, outrage about it. If someone says something in support, outrage about why they did not say it before on other issues. If someone opposes, obviously you can get enraged. Simple." Let the World watch out. Here I come, all primed to conquer social media with my outrage!
