Pat… pat… pat… f#$%&g pat… pat… pat… f#$%&g pat…
The red digits on the clock have just changed for the 84th time. That’s one hour and twenty four minutes that I have sat beside the cradle patting my 7 week old daughter in an attempt to get her asleep. “Today is the day” I said, because yesterday wasn’t and the day before that sure as $%#@ wasn’t either. Yip, there was no way my daughter wasn’t going to go to sleep in her cradle tonight. No way that I was going to have her fall asleep in my arms on the couch, no way that I was going to cuddle her to sleep again.
Pat… pat… pat… f#$%&g pat… pat… pat… f#$%&g pat…
After a first child that never slept, you would think I would know better by now. You would think I that I would realize that this is one battle that I might not win. You would think that I would have realised that it matters very little if I do win because in my small experience, babies will do what they want to do, when they want/are ready to do it.
I find myself doing this a lot lately. Drawing imaginary lines of principal that will not be crossed, until one of my offspring leaps across them with careless abandon.
The other day Miss nearly three was playing on the trampoline while I was making dinner. Having the gnat like attention span and a need for thrills that she does, she quickly got bored of the standard climb-up-the safety-net-and-leap-off tricks (I promise I never taught her that) and decided to turn her trampoline into a ball cage. She ran into the house and then a few minutes later ran past me, arms full of every ball she could carry.
I have no idea where it came from but suddenly I was channeling “boring safety Dad” who said to my daughter that there was no way she was taking the balls on the trampoline. You could “slip on them and break your neck and end up in a wheel chair and not fulfill your potential as a human being and..and…and” I heard my self saying. I took the balls off her, she cried, then as I turned my back she would try and take them out again.
This went on a few times with her cries getting louder and my frustration growing. Just as I was about to channel “angry, do as I say Dad” I got called into the bathroom to assist in removing a wriggly 7 week old from the bath. When I came out there she was, Miss nearly three laughing and giggling and she bounced on the trampoline, balls flying everywhere… alive. Not crippled, not in a wheel chair and judging by the way she got straight back up after landing on a large foot ball, reasonably safe.
I know rules are important, as is preventing injury. I also know that kids need to have boundaries and learn that they can’t do everything that they want. What I am also realising though is that it becomes really easy when you’re busy doing “life” to just say no out of habit or to dig your heels in without stepping back and asking yourself “what’s the outcome I actually want out of this”.
In the case of the trampoline, what I wanted was for my daughter to be safe. If I had stopped for a second and thought it through I could have easily let her do what she wanted with a few modifications (like removing the rocks that made it on to the trampoline as well).
As for the patting? Well my youngest is now put to sleep in her parents arms. It’s bad. It’s not helping her learn to self settle but right now the outcome I need is for Mum, Dad and newborn to get some sleep.
So – how about you? Do you find yourself parenting on autopilot? Are you a no Mum or Dad and want to be a yes?
Joining in with the inaugural Lounge Linkup that’s being held at musingsofthemisguided
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