Front: before with ducks
It would be fair to say I'm a bit rubbish at gardening. Utterly rubbish in fact.
Every year I greet the sprouting and blossoming with a sinking heart as they just mean my garden will become more dismal and neglected than it was before. Over the years I've tried to play to my strengths - getting rid of flower beds, replacing lawns with woodchips until it was clear I wasn't kidding anyone.
The only good thing about the garden is the trampoline - we all like a good tramp - but it takes over totally.
So when I saw Tots100 and Ratedpeople.com's makeover competition I thought, it has to be worth a go... hasn't it? Then I made the BIG mistake of allowing my mind to wander over what I'd do in the garden if I could. (No not that, you smutty oik up the back.)
The front of the house has grass (badly cut) and some ducks (on sale in ASDA) and, er, that's it. What I'd love to see are adorable stepping stones across the middle breaking up the grassiness and - in a slightly practical measure - around the edge to avoid the need to cut the edges tidily.
Back: with nothing to redeem it
So far, so yeah so what? Come with me round the back of the house and you'll see where we need an industrial strength magic wand. Pass discarded toys and broken garden furniture. Avoid standing in the fallow veg planting thingies, shimmy past the trampoline and arrive at the patio. Ha, patio. I wouldn't even want to bury my worst enemy under it. It's a thing of concrete, wooden fence and half-painted pebbledash. With a view of huge trampoline and overgrown wisteria. I'll bet you can't wait to sit there and relax. Nope, me neither.
For a long time I could put this out of my mind - and everyone else's. I even only have my book group round in the winter so I can hide it all behind closed curtains. But now Tots100 and ratedpeople.com, you've made me think of how it might be and it's driving me mad.
First, I'd put the trampoline in a hole. Save, but less like living in a big blue plastic prison.
Then, I'd build a pergola (get me!) over the patio and let vines (or something similar that survives at this latitude - climbing heather?) entwine. That would protect this very post-modern space from the rays it catches (yes really) and make it beautiful and fragrant.
Finally I'd address the apparent lack of space by annexing next door's garden. (No?). Not really, I'd use mirrors. I love mirrors and reflective things in gardens.
And then, you see, my life would be a floral scented haze of loveliness. I could sit outside and watch my children playing on the trampoline and, well, it would be perfect.
Nice pics via Pinterest - please click to find pinner. Nasty pics via my camera, clicking won't improve matters.
