Everything that you are going through is preparing you for what you've asked for.
I am seeing how difficult this thing called personal growth can be. Don't be mistaken, I have made phenomenal leaps and growth in my personal and spiritual development in past years, but there is something different happening now. It feels completely different.
Liken this feeling to this scenario: you are climbing a steep hill atop which sits a small house that contains refreshment, comfort, plenty. You are tired, you are thirsty, you are cold. You know there is safety and satiety beyond, atop the hill in the little house. You can see it. But each time you have managed to climb the steep hill, weary, breathless, spent, and you reach for the handle on the door and open it, you are unable to cross the threshold. You can see the cozy couch with blankets and pillows , smell something delicious cooking, though you cannot see from where the scent comes, spy a large vat of sparkling water on an open counter. You feel the warmth of the room as it wafts past you. Still, you cannot move. You cannot enter.
Some unseen force has you pinioned to that spot.
Never let life impede on your ability to manifest your dreams.
Dig deeper into your dreams and deeper into yourself
and believe that anything is possible,
and make it happen.- Corin Nemec
Whatever "work" I have done over the years (and I have done plenty), I have not been able to move to enter that room. The frustrations felt, the confusion experienced, the sadness internalized have only served to cement the only logical conclusion that I could make, that I was not worthy of partaking of the blessings contained in that room. After so many efforts, so many attempts to plod on, I made a kind of peace that, at least, I was able to open the door. Each time, I fell back into an everyday routine reality that brushed aside any lingering hopes of crossing the threshold to the life I have only dreamed of.
But something has changed.
I don't know if it's the cosmic forces with their intricate, specialized dance with each other and us, or a growth in oneness with that which I call my Source, or, if it's simply what the bible verse in 2nd Corinthians 12:9 refers to "my undeserved kindness is sufficient for you."
This feeling I am experiencing is qualitatively different from anything I have ever felt or experienced before. I am keenly aware of this forthcoming opportunity to cross the threshold, which has once again opened before me. But this time, I know I will, at last, cross the threshold to abundance, purpose, and joy.
Like all ensouled beings, I came into life in 3D reality for a particular purpose, to fulfill specific tasks and obtain certain experiences, fulfill desires, and grow in wisdom here on the earth plane. For me, that time is nigh. I am at "Places!", that magical, preparatory moment the theatrical director tells the actors, who must make themselves ready to take the stage for the play in which they are about to perform. I am at "Places!" at this moment of my life, as I move to the door in readiness to cross into my raison d'être. I have been preparing all my life for this time, although I never knew that.
Only when inspired to go beyond consciousness by some
extraordinary insight does beauty manifest unexpectedly.- Arthur Erickson
It matters not that I have been at this door many times before. I may have been discouraged, felt beat down, seen the light dim in my eyes, sink in my heart, but I have never truly given up on myself. And ultimately, I can not decide against myself.
Standing, once again, at the threshold of my personal dharma, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will summon the courage to cross that space, into personal fulfillment and wholeness, slay the dragons and beasts of the field of fear, and spiral higher to tell a story that I have not told before. I will meet myself on the other side of that door and and merge with a greater aspect of my being and consciousness.
I will not have experienced that feeling and moment in this particular life ever, before now. I am anxious, but I am ready.
I am crossing the threshold this time, and stepping into my destiny.
© 2018. Egyirba High. All Rights Reserved.
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