My family is comparatively small. There is my parents, 2 brothers and I. This is what I grew up with. Things were always fun and always crazy. So now that we are all grown up. I am very close with my brothers, we pretty much know all of each others business. I know who they are dating, who they like, what they are doing Saturday night, and I have all of their friends phone numbers in my cell. Even when Jared joined our family nothing really changed. My brothers and parents had an awesome connection with Jared from the start. My dad is always wanting to bring Jared in on business deals, my brothers take him paint balling and golfing. Even with adding someone we have this very close knit family.
When I joined Jared’s family it didn’t feel like a smooth transition at all. I feel like even though we have all known each other for a while we don’t have that close family bond. Sometimes I still feel like the awkward girlfriend at a family dinner. Don’t get me wrong. I love his family, I love all 17 of them. Yes, 17 in total: 2 parents, 8 kids, 5 in laws, 1 niece and 1 nephew.
Here we all are at Devin and Calee’s wedding in June 2010.
Now I don’t mean to say that we don’t get along. We do, everyone is very nice and we have a common bond obviously. I just always crave a close bond with all of them. There are a a couple siblings that I connect with on deeper levels and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate having them in my life. I crave being valued. I really want to share with all of my in laws that deep binding love. Married and transitioning into being a functioning unit was mentally hard for me. To think I wasn’t just a “loveless” anymore, I am now also a DeMann. I feel like to be family there has to be an unbreakable bond and that’s something we should all strive for. If for nothing else than to just say hey you’re my sister/brother in law and I have your back in every way. In your personal life, in your career choices, in schooling, whatever it is I am there. When you have that solidity, then it’s family. Does that make sense?
I have explained this feeling to Jared a few times, and he really does get how I feel with the exception of thinking it’s a problem. He knows the siblings that he connects with and sticks to them. He knows there are parties and get togethers he won’t hear about, and that’s okay for him. But for me it kills me to see photos that are uploaded on Facebook or sitting at family dinner listening to people talk about things that we weren’t’ aware of and it just makes me feel invaluable. I feel like I haven’t made it into the circle yet. After over 3 years, I am still working my way in.
To be clear. I don’t think there is some conspiracy that some siblings are trying to make me feel like this. I think it is a value that I grew up with that Jared also grew up with (family), but we just have always had different families. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with 17 lives, but I am not even given that option. I just find out about everything after it’s done on Facebook.
That’s my frustrations. Does anyone else have this overwhelming issue?
