Push It Wednesday

I stayed up too late last night and the night didn't go the way I had hoped. It wasn't bad per se but it was a night where I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and couldn't really find a reprieve. A night when I could have used a hug but instead was hearing that others were stressed and needed to be left alone. A night when not having a race on the calendar for myself this year, besides the one is December, is irking me and I really want my turn to race.
Dear hubby races next Sunday. He is running a local marathon and I am stoked for him. This is "his" race and he hopes to break 4 hours. He will. No doubt in my mind. He has never missed a running goal. I was planning on running a half marathon in February but have been "called" to work instead. As much as this bums me out to not have that race on my calendar I do think it will be a fun growing experience to see first hand a bit more of the behind-the-scenes of a race. When I confessed to dear hubby I was bummed he told me to just say I can't work and run it. Nope, that is not going to work and I don't want to do that. I do love to help when asked if I can and it is my job. And perhaps dear hubby will "see the light" come Monday and agree to watch darling daughter so I can race a half in March. I just need to find the $70 to enter. And yes, I could find a babysitter so both of us can run, which is his hold-up, but $140 is too steep. And don't get me wrong, I totally understand his desire to run. I get it. I do. It is just the Libra in me that says, hey, it is my turn. Let me run.
But what bugs me more than the race calendar is that a small thing, like running races, is causing so much tension discussion when my younger sister has bigger fish to fry. She is dealing with a lot right now and this stuff REALLY matters. It is weighing heavily on me while I keep her and her family in my thoughts and prayers.
Why am I telling you all this? Because it is all this that lead me to waking up this morning grouchy and in a funk. And I believe in honesty and don't just want to tell you the rosy pictures.
I got up when I should for Push It Wednesday but I honestly felt the most I could push it would be to just run. I was in one of those moments when I just want to curl up in a ball and forget it all. And as I was ready to leave I heard darling daughter cry. After cuddling her a bit, telling her it was way too early for me to make her breakfast, and surrounding her with Mommy love in the form of her mommy blanket, one of my shirts, and my fuzzy robe I headed out of the house with a heavy heart. It can be so hard to leave and as much as I wanted to say, hey, come lay on the couch while Mommy runs here I knew if I did, I wouldn't run. And I needed to run.
I did need to run. Not because it was Push It Wednesday but because I needed to clear my head and shake off some of the heaviness. My goal was plain and simple, run. I knew I had a tempo run slated for today but that didn't matter. Pushing it today was just running when my mind was full.
When I got to the gym I just sat a moment in my car and wanted to cry but I pulled it together and went inside. I got on the treadmill at the gym 20 minutes later than I had hoped and that was okay. I started running and felt tears welling and pushed them aside one more time and just ran. After 0.5 miles I was feeling a bit better and up'd my pace to my tempo pace. New goal. Run 3 miles at tempo. It took another 0.5 miles for me to feel in sync with my tempo pace. And I was getting happier, lighter, and able to work through my emotions.
The end result of today's run was 4 miles at tempo with a total of 5.05 miles including warm-up and cool-down. Although my original plan for today was to run 5-6 miles at tempo I can't complain about what I did achieve today. And it is a good way to start the day and relieve stress!
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for my morning chats with darling daughter on her way to school.
Daily Affirmation: I know what my mind needs to relax.