It's been a little while since my last post, so I thought I'd just update with a couple of things that have been happening and thoughts that I've had. Uni has just started - I'm sitting in the library of the uni at the moment, waiting for my second class of the year, as it happens. I've had a lot more time to prepare and sort out what things are about this term, which has left me feeling that this could be a much, much easier term, at least for the moment. I get the feeling the seriousness that I'm taking this degree with will mean that no matter how cruisy a term is, stress is going to be an element of it. At least I'm now mindful of that now though, and I can figure out how to manage that aspect of my life as well.
I've also been going to counseling for my personal issues for the last month or so now, and I've got to say, it's been a bit of a help - getting things off my chest, being able to bounce a couple of ideas off someone who has some experience with mental problems, and delving into my past with a capable guide has been useful in getting me to think about things in a constructive manner. I get the feeling that Rockhampton short-changed me a bit there, as the counselor there just seemed keen to put me on anti depressants and then let me vent once a fortnight, and nothing else. I'm know that it was free, and it was still helpful - even moreso at the time. But I can't help feeling if I'd had someone who was more interested, or experienced, or whatever this counselor is, my time there could have been a bit more pleasant. I had a lot of useless and needless rage there, and I find that easing in sight of better thoughts and a bit of motivation to sort the issues I've been having out. I've still got a long way to go, but I feel that I'm slowly getting better, pulling myself up to the level of 'respectable human being' again.
I've also been having some really interesting dreams lately - the length of them has been something I haven't experienced before, and the content is altogether less worrying than they sometimes have been. Where my 'old' dreams were violent, these are exciting; where the old was sexual, these are romantic. It also bears noting that as opposed to me being in a lot of the situations I've dreamed, lately it seems that I really am a narrator, and I'm observing others and their experiences, in a world of my own construction. It's been slightly odd, but pleasing, and I think it's a good sign. I won't go into any real details here - one involved the very start of a zombie apocalypse, and another involved a long journey by car and foot - but maybe another time, I will. I've devoted a few minutes on the mornings I have them to remembering them in as much detail as is permissable, with intent to write about them later. This is another aspect of my life I feel is doing me well, and I'm really just mentioning it here for the record.
I think that's about everything worth mentioning at this point in time. I'm feeling good, lately. Hopefully I can keep this train of thought/feeling/action going until I'm back to a decent state and I can start moving forward. One more thought: I really seem to live in the past a lot. Too much gets on top of me because of traumas I've already been through. I'm hoping this won't be the case before long and my present can experience an upturn.
Peace.