On the up side (you know, other than the fact that I did return so y'all can heave a gigantic sigh of relief that your life isn't going to be M-less), it's time for Random Thursday with Lin, Meg and I! This week's topic is another head scratcher, I tells ya.
Oh lordy. I have no idea where to start with this one. Kinda tempted to procrastinate and see what you guys all go with! But I won't, 'cos I take hosting seriously. So here ya go.
The Serious:
I don't talk about this stuff much on my blog, because it's my refuge and somewhere I go to have fun. But given this week's topic, I'm taking a deep breath and sharing. I have struggled with self esteem and depression most of my life since adolescence. I've even considered medication from time to time - though I haven't gone down that road (yet, anyway). Some days it's a struggle to see the point in going to work or expending the energy to do... well, anything. I do it, I always pull it together, but it's not always easy. And I tend to worry all. the. time. I'm slowly coming to terms with the things I can't control and learning to focus on the good things that are constant in my life. But I don't think I'll ever be a "happy" person.
I don't know if it's bad brain chemistry, a rough childhood or something I could control (which is my ultimate fear - that I'm failing somehow and doing this to myself), but whatever the cause, I often have to actually sit down and list all the good things in my life and force myself to think about them. It's exhausting, and some days I just don't have the energy. I know I'm not the only one, though, and that helps. I have some amazing friends who surmount similar (and much harder) obstacles every day, and reading The Bloggess always helps. That woman is an inspiration. So anyway... on to lighter (and even more embarrassing) topics...
The Amusing:
- I can't handle movies that involve an animal getting hurt. I am fine with grisly murders and psychopathic killers... but throw a sick puppy in the mix and I'm a wreck for days. When I was a kid my mother had to take me out of the theater during Bambi because I was wailing so loudly when the mother got shot. Not much has changed. I refused to read Charlotte's Web as a kid, and I won't ever watch Old Yeller or Marley and Me. EVER.
- I sometimes enjoy embarrassing entertainment. I'm talkin' teen fiction (yes, I have read the Twilight books) and Awkward. I know they're terrible, and I feel the shame... but I keep on reading/watching anyway. I blame University - I developed a nasty habit of reading the most mind-rotting, terrible, asinine books at the end of every rough semester to give my brain a rest. This is how I ended up reading (or rather, skimming - which is how I got through all 4 in a week) the Twilight books, along with the Shopaholic series. I honestly can't decide which was worse.