Rats in the Attic

There are two kinds of rats, the Attic rats and the Gutter rats. Easy to tell them apart if you are an avid Rat watcher. However I do not discriminate, I hate all the rats equally. Brown or Black, Rich or Poor,  Asian or European. Rats are Crats and if you do not find a way to keep them away they soon find a way to czrat zrat zrat zrat ztat za ztat za ztat which is rat language for-I will chew on your stuff and pee and poop inside your house .A wise old Rat once told me that the rats who live or work in attic are considered Elite (Tom Cruise of MI6 elite) in their community and not only are they experts in all kinds of invasions but are also very light on their feet. That is they can tip toe around easily  and never get caught, unless they want you to know of their presence, something they do when they want to creep you out or to challenge themselves. And one has to go through very tough selection process and a tougher training before one can even dream of being in the attic. So it generated a lot of  buzz and squeaks when Captain Rat ‘o’ Cheekay chose that odd ball Blinkin’ Kalamiti to be an Attic rat. One look at him and you would know he didn’t fit in the Elite Attic Rat community. Blinkin’ Kalamiti ( BK) had some real problems, behavioral as well as occupational. And within a month of joining the forces he had made quite a few enemies and haters in the Elite Community. Other Rats liked him as much as they liked a mosquito Buzz or a fresh stain on a new sofa or a pimple on nose on the wedding day. Finally fed up with his odd behavior, Lartata and Bartata, two of the most feared and respected Elite Attic Rats wrote a letter to the Captain mentioning the problems they have been having with BK, requesting Captain to either send him for a long training or a transfer to not so elite Box or Garage Rat community.Here are the letters exchanged between forces and their Captain regarding the BK issue.Dear Captain,We do not know how to write this but what the hell Capt’, BK sucks big time.-he is stupid-he makes a lot of noise when he moves-lies still and pretends to be dead and expects us to cry and mourn over the great loss- spends half an hour every morning asking every lieutenant of the Forces if they think he is fat.- he is slow, too slow, so slow that humans of this house have seen him, something which put a big question mark on our work ethics. Today humans have seen us, tomorrow we will be their pets!- he is allergic to cheese( now what kind of rat is allergic to cheese, a STUPID rat who else!)-he refused to go to the neighbouring attics three times in last week. He said and we quote “my inner voice tells me not to” -he can’t read or write and when asked to learn he said and we quote ” Now I ain’t made to serve words, words are meant to serve me, tell the words or whatever it is you want me to learn to learn me.”-he saw his image in the mirror yesterday, went  straight to a bar and gulped down a whole bottle of dulcolax  cos some fool down told him that would make him look suave and has been pooping ever since in every part of the house, leaving a trail.-loses temper when the humans move their furniture-wears eye patch and plays pirate -hates blue and green colours-in the middle of a high risk invasion asks us if any girl is checking him out or not Sir we have tolerated him enough and any more of him would be setting a wrong precedence and example. We therefore request you to either sack him or send him to another team or a training or we will have no choice but to leave the forceThanking youYours Faithfully/Sincerely/ Loving/CaringROEARF( rats of elite attic rat forces)Dear all, Blinkin’ Kalamiti, full name Blinkin’ Kalamiti ‘o’ Cheekay is my nephewYours Capt’
Dear Capt’Dear sir we got it. We never had any problem with BK. He is a sweet kid with a sharp mind. Some of us just wanted to know more about him, that was all.Yours Respectfully/Obediently serving/ Loyally yoursROEARF( rats of elite attic rat forces)Oh don’t we all know how lovely it is to have a Boss’s Relative as a co worker. Coming back to rats, the Elite Rats are now a days singing a new song to cope up with the disaster known as Blinkin’ Kalamiti !The New guy is boss’s nephewhola hola hoso what if he ain’ gotta cluehole hola hokiss his booty make him happyor else the captain will be snappylets take him to drink and entertainsmile and laugh with that giant painhola hola hoÒÓÒÓ(Do not copy I failed my Anger Management class) 29.643362 79.432182