I was absent in cyber land today, because I was at my cousins funeral. I had a really hard time expressing my feelings when I found out Tammy passed. I realized today that funerals are a beautiful thing. Being at a funeral is being able to grieve with so many other people who loved my cousin as much as I did. My mom and dad, along with many others shared the most beautiful memories that included my cousin Tammy. I cried my whole heart out and washed away all my mascara with tears, but this time I didn’t feel lost, I didn’t feel abandoned. I felt secure and I felt closure. I was able to see my entire family, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles and it made me feel better to see them grieve. Not in the sense of misery loves company, but in the sense of unity. I was able to cry freely, laugh freely and reunite with my cousins that I’m still blessed to have. Which makes me feel the strong sense of family. Nothing can make you feel better when a tragedy occurs then family. We didn’t have to wipe away our tears in front of one another, we didn’t have to hide our giggles when passing memories - we just were all there together.
I listened to the talks directed toward Tammy’s 4 children. They were so special, everyone was urging them to remember the person their mom was, urging them to continue to make her proud, by being the kids they already are. Keeping their smiles bright, and sharing the huge hearts that all 4 of them have. Those talks meant so much to me, I can’t imagine being 14,12,9 or 7 and losing my mom. Heck I am 21, and couldn’t imagine losing my mom. Something tells me that they will be okay. They had a wonderful mom, and she will continue to bless their lives, because she IS their mom.
I never wish this tragedy upon ANY family. It is so hard to deal with. Everytime I saw my uncle, Tammy’s dad, or my cousin (her siblings) I would burst into tears, because I could see how much they missed Tammy. I could see how much she enriched their lives. I know that if any family can handle losing a member it is them. They are strong, they pulled together and hugged and prayed. Their whole souls went into making this funeral a celebration of Tammy’s life.
After coming home and reflecting upon this day. I have decided to be more like Tammy. Let her life be a role model for me. Each speaker talked about her contagious and always present smile, dealing with the cards she had been dealt in the most positive way possible, and putting her family first; her kids, her siblings, her parents. She will live on in my life. I love you Tammy.