It did happen much later and much unexpectedly when I visited my teacher in his teacher's place. I finally got to meet him, it was surreal to meet a person who had a lasting impression on someone who I look up to in all times of doubt. Dr.Zutshi, that's what Mathew sir called him. A calm, venerable man with gray hair and round gold rimmed glasses. I didn't know him much to judge whether he was calm, but the statement is more a reflection of my state in his presence. I did feel calm and I also remember having felt happy and content, as I would feel when I read a book. Yes meeting him was like reading a book. "It is three generations at a place. My teacher and my student", said my teacher.
I went back about a week later with Nishita, this time we spent much longer time. "He is a psychologist", said Mathew Sir. "I have left it long back", Dr. Zutshi brushed it aside. We talked on hundreds of things under the sun, while sipping juice and enjoying the breeze on the roof garden of Dr. Zutshi's place. On renaming of the metro stations with names which had no connection with place, on how Calcutta was rapidly changing, on the closure of Seagull books, about the lectures Dr. Zutshi had given at the university, on killing of owls in the name of tradition, "But why is it shocking, how is it different when we kill goats and chicken and someone else kills owls. All of them have life. How is one different from the other", said Dr.Zutshi. On an occasion when we were complaining about our jobs he said "There are no more interesting jobs. It was in the fifties when there was a zeal of building the country, setting up things. When Professor Bahadur used to run a film club and he was invited to set up the structure for FTII, this happened after Nehru saw Pather Panchali and was astonished that it was an Indian film, that was how the idea of FTII germinated....Those were interesting jobs"
"Remember Bahadur Sir, I had mentioned it in class and screened Ciao Professore, when he died", said Mathew Sir.
Then we went on to talk about films, something both of them loved, my teacher and his teacher. If not for my teacher I would probably have never been exposed to the world of cinema, cinema which now acts as one of the windows to the world apart from books. "Do you watch films? But you said you don't have a TV?"
"This generation is used to small laptop screens, we can't get ourselves to watch films on those tiny screens"
" Have you seen Kahaani, it was an intelligent film", Dr. Zutshi said. We went on to discuss how the last bit on analogy of woman and Durga and the Indian army was unnecessary, but also probably it was necessary for the "masses" "Whether people would have liked it or not is debatable. It would have been a better film", said Dr.Zutshi in a tone of finality.
"You talk as if we Kashmiri's live in isolation....", he said retorting to Mathew Sir's talk on how extended family was very important for Malayalis. "Next time I will surely come to eat at your place..." "She has invited us and we have not gone...", he said to Mathew Sir. As we began to leave, Nishita clicked a picture of Dr.Zutshi and Mathew Sir standing in front of a shelf of thousands of books.
"I want to listen when you teach", I said
"How will you? I don't teach any longer except when Mathew insists", Dr. Zutshi said
"May be some time I will...",
"You should keep visiting him....", said Mathew sir.
But I could never muster the courage to go back, it was not so much fear but more my social awkwardness. I kept postponing it for the next time when Mathew Sir would be present. Little did I know I would come to regret it later.
I moved out of that city but I kept listening about him, whenever I spoke to Mathew Sir.
I framed the picture of Dr.Zutshi and Mathew Sir and sent it to him on teacher's day. It seemed like a perfect gift to me.
"Dr.Z said She will be good company to stay with", Paramita said when she left her daughter at my place. I was happy to know that he remembered me, for some reason it mattered a lot.
Three days back I was in Pondicherry, when I missed attending a call. Oblivious to what had happened I called back Mathew Sir. "It is a bad news, Dr.Zutshi is no more...." he said when the voice went blank. For some reason I didn't think it was possible, for some reason I seemed to have assumed he was timeless, for some reason this thought had never occurred to me. For Sir, it was an end of an era, it was loss of a pillar of his life. I didn't know how to react. No, this was not the first time I was facing death. I assumed I had grown distant from it. I was lost.
The picture of Dr.Zutshi and Mathew Sir I had was the only photograph of them both."An era has ended quietly and the world never knew how valuable he was", Mathew Sir wrote
I still was quite lost
"Though I just met him a couple of times that time is very vivid and somehow I can't accept that I can't meet him anymore. Mathew Sir feels the world never knew how valuable he was but I think he must have touched many lives, like he did in my case. I still remember every bit of the conversation we've had and probably will continue to remember forever. I can only regret not having met him more, but probably should be thankful that I atleast had a chance of knowing him, I don't think everyone is as lucky...", I wrote to Paramita. "Grieving for someone whose expressed desire was not to be remembered. All with vengeance, in defiance........But check this Tuki-I've used a font that's 'as difficult to read as your handwriting'. As I said I'm defying you, in all possible ways I can! How else would I get adjusted to the idea of never again having a glass of Rum and Coke ready for me with a slice of 'gandharaj' in it, irrespective of reason? ", she sent back what she had written on him. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Just two small drops. I had assumed this would never happen..... I didn't want to write this note, but I got myself to do it lest I might regret it.....for I already have one thing to regret for life.