Letting go can be one of the toughest things to do. For some reason, it seems we are reluctant to let go of things - even when we know we should. Sometimes it's people we need to release; sometimes it's things or memories, beliefs or ideas we have that do not represent our authentic selves, that are no longer relevant, but which we hold onto because we are afraid.
Whatever is not authentically you, does not issue from your own soul, muddies your heart, your mind, or your spirit is keeping you from your real life...and from bona fide freedom. And joy.
This March 2019 Mercury retrograde is showing me not only the necessity of doing a lot of that releasing, but that I am past overdue. It has had me circling around and around in my mind, at a stand-off with burdens I took on voluntarily long ago that are not mine, and that do not serve me now. I so accepted the thoughts, beliefs, accusations, judgments of others as my truth, until I didn't know myself without them. I accepted unbalanced, unequal relationships with people because I was negotiating through life with damaged thoughts and a bruised heart.
It doesn't help that I am so left-brained. I can recycle these appropriated beliefs, values, ideas and thoughts so well, that if any well-meaning friend says anything by way of trying to help me see other angles, they are summarily and categorically dismissed...with the quickness. After all, I've got it on good authority (because I have accepted it), that I am right to hold on to the misguided ideas, beliefs, values, people that I have accepted into my life, and that they are wrong.
But things are being shaken up within me. I am seeing that I have not being seeing the big picture. I have not even mostly been seeing the big picture. In fact, I haven't been able to see much of anything through the old, outdated lens I have worn for too too long.
The difficulty comes knowing we need to release but because of some unknown idea of 'gain' we cannot. This cycle of thought manipulation can keep us in an endless loop of madness. If we release him/her, then what will we do all by ourselves? If we forgive this or that one, then maybe they will think what they did to us was okay. If we let go of this or that thing, how will we get it back? What will happen to us? If we drop this or that belief, then how will we know who we are, what we should believe? How will we know where to go? How will we know what we should do?
Sometimes we think we need to hang on to keep our personal worlds in tact, because maybe if we don't, we'll go crazy. Then, too, if we release the held thing, person, or thought, who will we be without it? But if we hold on to things that are long past their expiration date in our lives, we can make ourselves sick. Stress can be a killer, don't ya know? If you want joy, you need to release the chains that bind you, whether they are physical, mental, psychological, emotional...even, spiritual. But you have to see how you've been chained. Then, you have to decide you want to be free.
"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" ― Mary Manin Morrissey
The ability to release may come with a flood of tears, and with a loosening of tension in the body, through a turn toward rest and relaxation, prayer and meditation, from practice of forgiveness (of yourself or someone else), or simply an easing of the mind and heart through exercise or physical activity.
Releasing and letting go can be hard. First step: be willing. You are fooling no one that you need that thing or person, or way of believing and seeing in your life. Second step: know that intention matters. So, want to let go, want to lighten up, want to feel unfettered. Third step: consciously choose it. Then hang on for the ride of your life.
The moment of clarity of what you have been doing so long may hit you as if a ton of bricks fell down on your head. You may experience anger, sadness, guilt, fear, depression. Shame, even. But if you can find a support system, if you can keep reinforcing your new understanding, (even as you are releasing), if you can move slowly with courage, and feed your soul with a desire to be whole, with a willingness to love yourself, and a desire to see things differently, you will bypass the demons at the gate of your consciousness. There will come a moment where the scales tip, and you begin to be more often in the space of grace and freedom. Bye-bye, Bondage. I know who I am.
"He judged the instant and let go; he flung himself loose into the stars."
― Annie Dillard
Take advantage of this retrograde period (and all retrogrades, really) to release the burdens, the baggage, the weights in the form of emotional attachments, beliefs, thoughts, people, items, old ideas (and ideals), so that you can find your real truth. So that you can see with new eyes. So that you can breathe a new breath. So that you can live as a whole being - body/mind/soul and spirit. So that you can have your WHOLE life.
Shed the past layers that have weighed you down, like the lies of duplicitous lovers that have covered your heart with their midnight whispers, so that you could only recognize yourself through the bondage in their eyes. Free yourself from the chains of what is no longer purposeful, from what does not promote life. And love. You owe it to yourself to be your authentic self. As a sovereign being, you have the right, indeed, the duty to set your sail for journeys of adventure that will bring joy to you, and subsequently, more harmony to the world.
I am learning all this with this Mercury retrograde. It's hard work (for so many reasons). But the cost of liberation is the target in my vision. And I am willing (and oh, so ready) to be free.
Release! Because it's good for you. Because you love yourself. Or, want to learn to do so. Because it's the right thing to do for you. Because the world should see and have the privilege of experiencing the authentic you. Because there is no one like you in the whole of this Creation. Because you want to take a leap into the promise of LIFE. The time is now.
Because most times, you have to let go to be free.
© 2015, 2019. Egyirba High All Rights Reserved
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