Courage
I’m learning to define what courage means to me.
It’s picking yourself up after being devastated. Courage is putting the work into yourself to root out your demons, live your best life, as Oprah would put it, and saying this is what I want to do and I don’t care who thinks I’m crazy.
It’s having the strength to somehow go on when every fiber in your being tells you to stop, give up, and quit.
Courage is trying and doing even though you’re terrified you’ll be rejected and not good enough.
It’s reaching out for help and knowing that you need to sometimes and it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.
It’s figuring out what you really want, no matter how ridiculous it seems and taking the steps to get it, even if you’re scared, if even you don’t have all the answers on how to do it. It’s the courage to start.
I signed up for the Famous Camp Pendleton Mud Run back on New Year’s Eve as soon as registration opened. I had a plan on how I was going to be ready for this race and do a great job. Well, things didn’t work out that way. I don’t feel ready and I’m worried about even finishing this race. I almost decided not to do it at all. I thought about it though and realized how much I’d regret not trying. I’d have to wait a whole nother year to do it and who knows what could happen in that year that could prevent me from doing it, and I’d end up regretting never having done it.
So, I’m doing it, only because I can. I’m here, I’m healthy, I paid the money, I have the courage to do it even though I’m scared. I look forward to coming back here and blogging about my race experience on Sunday; my 16yo daughter is running it with me, along with a few friends of mine as well. It’s going to be an amazing experience I’ll share with her forever. This is going to be something that bonds us in a special way, and allows me to bond with my other friends too.
Now I’m excited. I’m ready to do it and ready to get over this hurdle and begin to Crossfit again, care for myself, eat right, and do the things that make me feel accomplished, proud, and in control. It takes courage to have the gumption to do it after failure. I feel like if I can get up the courage to run this race anyway, I can get the courage to go and do anything I really want.
I know that my problems and the things I need courage to do aren’t that big in the scheme of things and I know there are people out there who’ve demonstrated incredible acts of courage which not everyone could do, but I’ve learned to quit comparing myself to others. I’ve learned that I have to own and take care of the things in my life first, in my realm of existence, that are in my control and that hold me back. Then, my courage might grow and I could be great.
I’d love it if you share with me what courage means to you or something you need to get up the courage to do. Maybe putting it out there will help you. Maybe you’ll help someone else who reads it.