Self Expression Magazine

Rx: Write

Posted on the 18 October 2019 by Laurken @stoicjello

“Write”, the neurologist said.

But…but….I told him at night, I already do at least an hour’s worth of  deciphering word jumbles, crosswords, I play solitaire  and I even find hidden pictures in a couple of vintage Highlights magazines I saved from childhood.

”Keep on doing those thins, but write, too.   Keep a journal.   Restart your blog.  Write about things you remember experiencing in your life for  the past 65….”

I quickly corrected him, “That’s the past 60 years, Herr Doktor”.

“Okay, the past 55 years and write about that.   It’ll not only keep your brain active, it’ll give you a purpose which is very important right now.”

So, I asked him what about those days when don’t feel like writing or doing much of anything or if I”m not feeling so, you know….fresh.    He told me to put in the effort no matter what.    Write about not feeling well enough to write.    Even  a few lines would suffice.

“But what about my tens of readers?   They come to my blog for what I hope is to find entertainment,  not to read about incessant whining about how I’m feeling.”

And then he said what any logical man of science would say.    He told me to write anyway because at this stage of the MS game, I’m not writing for anyone else, just for my physical well being.    No one else matters.

Wow.   It’d been years since anyone has said that to me.     Music to my ever diminishing auditory capabilities.

So, my apologies, to both of you, dear readers.     You’re unwitting victims of my therapy.

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Here goes:

I can remember when show, The Flintstones was a part of prime time nightly programming.   I want to say it was an NBC affair and came on Wednesday nights, sponsored in part by Welch’s (jelly and juice), Wrigley’s gum and even cigarettes, I think.  I want to say Salem ciggies, but don’t quote me.   It was a cartoon, but aimed at adults.

I remember whenever Fred and Barnie would try to hightail, it out of their suburban Bedrock homes that had to have been very, very large, 10-thousand feet at least.   They’d run in place, bongos banging away in the background, then they’d take off in a little puff of smoke and tun for their lives, passing by the same boulder chair and table ensemble with a strategically placed conch telephone every ten feet.    It was the same in Fred’s house, Barney’s house, Mr. Slate’s house……every home and/or office.   Bedrock must’ve only had one small furniture store or was home to some of the laziest, tackiest decorators in the entire Stone Age.

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I only watch black and white episodes of The Andy Griffith Show.    After Barney left to became a detective in Raleigh, I left, too..    In reality, Don Knotts left to pursue a film career which also meant Thelma Lou, Barney’s girlfriend was written off the show, but the actress who portrayed her (Betty Lynne, I think) was also out of a gig.  She was never heard from again until silly reunion shows decades later

Knotts was box office gold for a while in the late 60’s, known for movies such as The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (“Attaboy Luther!”)! Mr. Limpett, The Shakiest Gun In The West and maybe a few other largely forgettable flicks.    He fell out of favor only to eventually land another TV gig years later in a a co-starring role as  the horny neurotic landlord in Three’s Company.     Don’s departure signified big changes for the The Andy Griffith Show.   CBS began filming it in Technicolor beginning with the sixth season,      I felt then as I still do that that one/two punch removed all the show’s charm and humor.     In colorized versions, even as a kid, I always wanted to punch Howard Sprague right through the TV.   Something about him.     And Goober was certainly no Gomer.

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The last funny I Love Lucy episode in my humble opinion, was during the Ricardo/Mertz quartet’s trip to Europe.  Paris, particular.  They were all jailed for buying and passing counterfeit French francs off the streets and there’s this hilarious translation scene inside them jail.

The other episode which I think actually is the last truly funny episode is when Fred and Ricky (still miffed from the Don Loper dress fiasco while making Don Juan in Hollywood, by the way, was movie was shelved but MGM put him another film.  Did it have a name?   Was it ever released theatrically?    He must’ve done something because he was mobbed by fans in London’s and other big name stats they’d encounter knew who he was like he was somebody)

Anyway, Ricky and Fred had a local French tailor make dresses out of burlap and hats out of a horse’s feed bag and a wine bucket.      Lucy and Ethel loved them thinking they were original,  typical avant- guard style couture from the atelier of  famous French designer, Jacque  Marcel.

After that their European trip, their miserable real life marriage started disintegrating .   It was sleeping through the to the on air too which greatly affected the acting and the show’s writing.     I won’t watch  episodes about their trips to Florida or Cuba or when they moved to Connecticut.     Snore.

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When you fly international or transcontinental in first or Business Class,  you get an amenity kit which usually includes the following:   a small toothbrush, an even smaller tube of toothpaste, a sleeping mask, sewing kit, mouthwash and a one-size fits-all pair of socks.  Well, the socks are a nice touch, especially in those convenient fully reclining sleeping pods BUT…..do not wear EVER the socks alone into the close quarters that are airplane restrooms.   Why?    Because there’s a 97% chance the dampness you’re stepping in isn’t water.   Put your shoes back on for all tee-tee trips.

Trust me.

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Pay with cash as often as you can.  Credit card fraud is at an all time high.  Fraudsters are now actually making mocked up cards with your name and number on them.   They just haven’t figured out how to duplicate the chip technology.   But if they have your credit card number, they can still rob you blind shopping on on line where no verification is required,.

Bastards!!!

Go on line or call the card company to check recent transactions.     American Express is especially good at catching fraud in a very timely manner.  Something about an algorithm that’s familiar with your spending habits and the kinds of  stores where said habits are demonstrated.    Maybe it’s not an algorithm, but COBOL or FORTRAN.    Punch cards, maybe??      What do I know?    I’ve still got a Cassio digital watch.

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Other things for you to contemplate….

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Read product reviews before making a purchase and by all means, get references, especially those of potential hires.  Fraud is hardly limited to computers and charge cards.

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Floss

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Spend at least one day a month doing nothing productive.    Sleep, watch aTV.    Read a book.   Treat yourself to lunch.  Go to a movie.   Go alone and be happy with your own company.  Whatever you do, let body and mind rest.

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Apologize with true authenticity.    Mean it and accept an apology with as much zeal.

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Practice gratitude, even on days when I feel bad.    ESPECIALLY on those days.

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Toenails thicken and get very, very hard as we age.   I can no longer go to a salon for a pedicure.   Now, I require the services of lumberjacks.

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Beware of Bangladeshi turmeric which has elevated levels of lead added (that’s Pb for you periodic table dweebs)  to enhance the brownish yellow color of the spice.   It’s also used as a coloring for several  different cheese and other products.     When I think of all the yellow cheese I’ve eaten in my life, that’s probably the equivalent of consuming six lbs. of school bus yellow #2 Ticonderoga pencils.

Plus, the stuff stains something fierce.     Turmeric  is frequently taken by arthritis sufferers (including yours truly) and the stuff works well as an anti-inflammatory, but  lead is a poison and can violently dumb you down before killing you if consumption is prolonged.

If you take turmeric or cook with it, check the label.  I seriously doubt if lead would be listed in the ingredients, but you could call the maker or distributor to find out from where their turmeric comes.    Bangladesh seems to be the biggest turmeric importer and the leading lead additive offender.

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When driving, occasionally let drivers trying to merging into traffic ahead of you, go ahead and merge into traffic ahead of you.      Do this.    You need the karmic points and if allowed in, by all means, be a mensch and wave as a sign of appreciation.   Do this.  You need even more karmic points than the other driver.

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Have a daily BM.

Our time is up for this session.    Thank you.

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