I'm so smooth.Well...I did something I thought I'd never do, and I tried the internet.
*Cringe* Don't judge me!! It's common enough now; it's not nearly so predominantly creeps and weirdos like it was 5 or 10 years ago! I swear. Also I'm really careful.
Something I've learned from this is that, so far, I'm not actually as awkward as I think I am. I seem to be the one more easily willing to make eye contact and pleasant small talk, and I'm finding myself surprisingly self-confident and at ease. Kind of a "Well if he's not into me, he's not into me" sort of attitude...and no hesitance about being anything other than myself. Which is awesome. I feel so cool, like Samantha Jones or Helen Gurley Brown.
I didn't realize this was a thing for me because in real life, I always seem to wait until I'm head over heels for someone before I try to initiate anything. Which means I care what they think, which means *cue awkwardness.* This is a thing I have always felt rather unfair, because I get nervous and more likely to fuck up when it most matters that I do not.
C'est la vie. Maybe some of this internet-dating badassery will melt into the rest of my life as my self-confidence grows.
As a side note: To all you men out there, "Hey baby, I like your bone structure, want to grab a drink?" and "U r Arab? Let's have sex."?
Those don't work.
Scumbag Steve's internet dating username is HeyStrangerLet'sFuck.A genuine, thought-out response to my profile and an acknowledgement of shared interests--that will earn you at least one response from me. Also, knowing the logic behind square-is-a-rectangle-but-a-rectangle-is-not-necessarily-a-square is important, especially when it comes to the heritage of the girl you are hitting on. In other words, Arabs are middle eastern, but not everyone from the middle east is Arabic. Armenians, for example.
Also, I will attempt to pass off fewer memes as pictures in the future.
Also, I got laid. (Whoo-hoo!)
Aaaand I'm out.
*
