Compatibility.
Interesting word; fascinating concept. It must exist for anything /anyone to co-exist. And love goggles can make us oblivious to its absence in the beginning of a relationship. But when icomes apparent it isn’t there, it’ll bitch slap you.
I met a guy years ago and we began a relationship, dazzled by each other for reasons I’ve forgotten. But he was a vegan. I was and continue to be an omnivore. It wasn’t so bad at first. I tried to eat more salads and humus in his presence, you know to please him as needy little girl women tend to do. Then he got all preachy about it.
Eating aninal meat, wearing their flesh using any by-products were all abominations. He wasn’t that militant about it. Had he seen the late fur lover, Joan Rivers wearing a full fox coat I don’t think he would’ve thrown a bucket of blood on her—-flick a booger in her direction maybe, but a bucket of blood, no.
Getting preachy was one thing, then he got eco-weird. Cursing trucks belching out smoke. Smokestacks were Satan’s cigarettes. Big Oil was where he worked and Big Pharma was where he vacationed. He also got increasingly homeopathic as a mindset as time progressed and the drugs we once took both out of necessity and yes, sometime for kicks had become sheer poison.. He rode a bike and was a recycling fanatic. Oh yeah, he was also a pacifist.
It was like living in a Billy Jack movie
I started disliking him and disliking myself for being with him. I don’t want to kill animals for grins and while I completely admire mink and chinchilla coats, I don’t own any. I hate war, but I understand defense. I respect the work the Earth does to keep us alive and walking upright, but I also agree with Darwin. And my, my , my how we’d argue about that. Big Bang vs Creationism, he’d debate himself over those things
And then there was God.
God he said, knew little about established organized religion; The Vatican, Billy Graham, the Pope, Mormon Temples, Jewish Temples…..Shirley Temple. God was in every tree, leaf, rock, bird. While I believe that to be true, my belief in God extends a bit beyond that. God is nature and rainbows and cartoon blue birds and also tornadoes, tsunamis and loss. And redemption. But I’m getting off point here.
Anyway, I was starting to resent the shit out of him and he’s beginning to hate me holistically, I knew it was time to end a relationship that only made sense in the sack for about three weeks. We were arguing about everything. Mu non-vegan stance was always he opponent. vegan thing was always man I explained that once early man stopped eating fruits and nuts and started enjoying mastodon burgers, his brain started growing and reasoning and became a natural, common occurrence. He didn’t care. Anthropological folklore. He’d then toss out some quote from George Bernard Shaw (I think, I’m too lazy to look it up) about ” animals are my friends and I don’t eat my friends”.
He ate nothing that had a face or came from anything that had a face. No milk products, butter…..or God forbid, lard. NOTHING WITH A FACE, he’d insist.
One night, we into a fight about something because we both needed the excuse and ultimately, agreed to end the relationship. My position, he said in the parlance of his fanaticism, was being repurposed. It was a loud fight, it wasn’t kind and there were tears over things he said that can never be recanted. But some things I’ll said I’ll never regret. Be a vegan fine, just refrain from being a pompous bore about it.
He stormed upstairs and slammed the door, demanding that I leave the premises immediately. I agreed I would after I gathered a few things.
And I did, but NOT without leaving my mark. I took a Magic Marker and made little smiley faces on all the vegetables in his fridge.
Then I left, in search of the nearest Burger King.
