She's Back!

Hello lovelies!! :)"OMG could it be? Is that really VioletDaffodils back after months and months?-Yes, yes it is! haha!I know I have been away from blogging for sooooooo long and it has been on my mind so much recently that I just have to get back into it. Truth be told, I was quite nervous about it. Being away for such a long length of time felt difficult to sit behind my laptop screen and suddenly burst back onto the scene, the same way as meeting up with an old friend you haven't seen in ages - even though you know things will be like old times, there is still that slight nervousness of what to say.
The last few months have been a complete roller coaster of emotions for me and being so busy that I've not had the time to sit and take a breather. I'm not usually one for pouring out my emotions over stuff like this but I feel like I owe an explanation for my absence to those who have been so loyal to my blog. After my last post I have been busy with University work. It was my last EVER project aka. "The FMP" (Final Major Project) which is the big one! And by far the most stressful and challenging project I think I have ever had to do. Not only is it taking every minute of time in my lessons to do work, it also requires ALOT of out-of-uni work, those who don't do art based courses may not know this but those who say these types of courses are "Mickey Mouse subjects" are so ignorant to how much time, effort, energy and commitment it takes to do these courses as they require so much from you. And juggling all that with both work and family issues it has been difficult. Anyway partly the reason it has caused so much stress was 3 weeks before my deadline was due (3 weeks!), after taking the advice of my tutor and playing at my strengths, I was told by my tutor that basically my work was not good enough for a degree and that I was a lost cause and she couldn't help me anymore. That completely broke me. I had never felt so down in myself and my capabilities and it effected myself in a way that I could barely recognize myself anymore. From being young, when people ask me what my talent is I would say "I can draw" and naturally over the course of university you realize that here you are with people who have the same talent-if not better than you, but to be told that something that has been a part of me ever since I was little that I was not good enough, completely hurt me. Don't get me wrong I would never say I'm like this amazing artist, I know there are people who are better etc. That is not what I'm saying at all, it's just being told that something that defines you and that you are not good at it to achieve your goals, hit me very hard. What really got to me was my Mam; she has always been so lovely and supportive, always taken an interest in my work and always been encouraging and a large part of me felt I had let her down, having to tell her all of this was one of the hardest things to admit and the fact she remained so understanding and supportive just shows how amazing she really is. She has been my rock not only all my life but especially over these past few months, she deserves so much for how much she has been there for me. I could not have picked myself up, dusted myself off and carried on if it wasn't without her love and support throughout all of this, so thank you if you ever read this <3

Ha! Sorry Mam ;) Another set of people who have helped were not only my boyfriend and University friends but the people I work with, I shouldn't really refer to them as that as I would consider them all amazing friends, even the managers have shown so much understanding and support, it blew me away that so many people were there when I really needed them and that speaks volumes to me.
After working myself to the ground and many late nights and from the support of those previously mentioned and luckily my other tutor who didn't tell me I was a lost cause but chose to help me and offer more advice and suggestions to help my work further rather than shoot me down and make me feel miserable, I eventually pulled it out the bag and made the deadline! I can't exactly predict right now if my work will be enough to pass my degree or not but I did work hard. In the beginning I knew what degree I was aiming for but after all of this, even if I just pass I will be so so happy, not just for myself but for my Mam.
Alongside all of that my Granddad had to go into hospital a week before my deadline. Even when sat in a hospital bed poorly he's thinking of others, encouraging me to keep going with my work and not to worry about him. He is finally in better health and after 3 weeks of being stuck in hospital he should be on his way out shortly. Although it means there is many changes to be made at home, it is worth it to have him back home where he belongs.
Aside from all of the heavy stuff I also had the opportunity to do some Art-based work experience at a small  local place called Impress which was fun, quite tiring but I enjoyed learning new sets of skills. It has even made me think of applying to attend some short courses later in the year to enhance my skills more.
Eventually after the deadline was over, I felt free. I know that is so cheesy but it's true. Throughout my time at Uni all I've heard from people is "Oooh it'll be scary in the real world!" bla bla bla, but I actually feel the complete opposite, it has actually made me feel the most relaxed I've felt in a long time. I'm lucky in the sense that I have worked in jobs since I was 16 and still currently in my job I've had since being at Uni so coming out of Uni and having a job has been very fortunate for me- although people will turn up their nose and be like "it's not a job in the degree you chose" but so what? I love working retail, although most customers try my patience I still wouldn't have it any other way, I like my job and I love the people I work and I get plenty of hours so to those arsey people you can do one because after the hassle I've had with Uni, the last thing I want to do is through myself into that career without taking a break or learning more skills first. This is the first time in years where I finally feel like I have the chance to do whatever I like. Even doing something so ordinary like reading a book, I can finally do that without a sense of guilt or that voice in my head saying "you should be working Kate!" and that is a brilliant feeling!
*happy dance*After meeting my final deadline, I was also able to treat myself. There was something I had my eye on for a while during University and although the temptation was so strong I remained a good lass and waited it out as I thought it would feel better buying it as a reward for all my hard work. So after it patiently waited in my Amazon basket for so long, I finally bought it. What is it, you ask? ANIMAL CROSSING: NEW LEAF!!
I have LOVED this game for soooo many years! I had the Game Cube version, I had the DS version and now I have the 3DS version and I have not put it down since I've had it! '#Obsessed' ;)
For those of you who play it, I have been working so damn hard to acquire all of the Mermaid Series, it is the cutest! I've even got my little Gaming guide and made lists of all the things I want and the prices and stuff :p Yes I really am THAT into it ;) And again, it is an amazing feeling being able to sit and play on it for hours and hour on end without any guilt, Hooray!

Also another fun thing was my friend Charlotte having her Graduate Fashion Show. Unfortunately her Parents were unable to go so myself and 2 other friends took a road trip to Middlesborough where it was held to cheer her on. It was a fab night, all of the graduate designer's collections were completely different from the next which kept it intriguing. Although some of the clothes were catered to different tastes, I could still appreciate the time and effort it takes for the designers to make them. I found that really fascinating and I really enjoyed seeing the big variety of pieces. Well Done Charlotte! So proud of you! :D
Aside from all of these things mentioned I have been in work so much more now due to my availability being completely open which means more money to spend on Topshop, Wahey! ;) And been trying to get back some form of social life by meeting up with friends who I haven't seen in ages, visiting my Granddad, spending time with family and the bf. I've also been to see Bad Neighbours and Godzilla at the cinema too, Bad Neighbours was alright, nothing too special, funny in places but Godzilla was fantastic! From the beginning it had me engrossed and I enjoyed every minute of it. Godzilla is a bad ass!
To finish this post I have my Art and Design Final Degree Show coming up shortly which I'm looking forward to as I can't wait to see what my friend's final works look like and friends off other courses. A few friends off my Foundation course have their Fine Art Degree Show the same day in a building close to where mine is so I'm looking forward to popping over there and having a look at those too. Also my friend's Mat and Lucy who I've mentioned here before about their many awesome house parties will be having their final house party before they move back to York :'( Very sad times! I am going to miss them loads!
Lastly to top it all off it is now 2 weeks 'til I head to Turkey for 2 weeks of sun and relaxation!
I know this post has become almost a Dissertation in length but I hope it has explained things clearly and thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post as I know sometimes these kinds of posts can lose people's attention after a few paragraphs. I hope to get back on the blogging scene a bit more frequently as I have a couple new ideas I hope to get cracking with. Anyway thanks again for reading and take care <3
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