Single Parent Post: The Importance of Co-parenting

Hi! Just posting a few thoughts I have on co-parenting  that I wanted to share before I forgot them all. The idea of co-parenting with your ex as a single parent is probably something that might horrify a lot of people. It is so easy to hold grudges about the things that went wrong in your relationship and let those feelings of anger, guilt, or shame effect your child. I am not a stranger to being angry or resentful, and to this day I struggle between letting go of those negative feelings I harbor against the father of my son and letting things go so that we can work together to parent our son in a state of peace. What it really comes down to and what I try to remind myself everyday is that this isn't about the wrong things we did when we were together, it's about raising our son to be the best person he can be despite the fact that we aren't living in a traditional nuclear family. By the way, the nuclear family archetype was basically created by the media to control society (for the purpose of selling products more effectively) and is also inherently sexist. Your kid isn't doomed from the beginning just because you don't get along with the parent romantically and you aren't together anymore. That's one of this things that everyone says "Oh no we fucked him up because he doesn't see two loving parents in a marriage together". Well he won't be fucked up if he sees two mature adults cooperating together simply because they love him enough to put the bullshit aside.  The most  mature decision two exes can make when it comes to their children is to LET GO of all of the stupid shit that the other did to piss them off because it's in the past, and instead focus on the things they can do together to raise their child to *insert objective for child's future here*. For me, I want Tanner to grow up to be creative, independent, fearless, confident and in tune with the ways of universe so that he can manifest and achieve literally anything he puts his mind to.  His father is on the same track and even though we have a pretty terrible history together, we have no choice but to put it aside and work for the common good.The funny thing about the past is that we hold on to it and  let it rule our lives even though it is already over and done with and there is nothing you can do to change it. So by focusing on the past and chasing ghost after ghost, we impede our futures and never fully reach our limits in life because there is someone or something that wronged us, or slipped through our grasp that we want to try to recreate or undo. There is no point in doing this. That ship has sailed and those moments in time have passed, and the only thing that actually matters is this exact moment and what thoughts you are thinking to create your future. If you constantly remember how your ex did this or that to piss you off, you will always be angry and so everything that they do, even when it is in itself an innocent action, will be viewed with anger and set you off. Then your kid sees you screaming or crying or however you react when you are angry, and that behavior becomes normal for them, and they are probably 10x more likely to react the same exact way. Kids are basically sponges so these emotions they pick up from you gets absorbed into their biology. What I'm getting at here is that being a parent is a one time deal and you don't want to go through it being miserable and making your kids miserable just because your ex cheated on you  and you hate them with every fiber of your being. Nobody wins in that situation. This all comes down to being the bigger person and cooperating with someone you normally wouldn't to accomplish a task. You can even think of it as a business agreement or some kind of school or work project. You have to suck it up and get over it because the sooner you do the sooner things will go smoothly and the communication lines open up. It doesn't mean you have to be best friends or speak about anything other than your child, it just means when it comes to making decisions for your kid you make them together without letting your personal feelings for one another influence them.  
This person might be a total mistake in your mind and you wish you could just go back and erase them completely, but you're stuck together because of your child. If you feel the way that I do about your child, and I'm sure you do, then you feel like this kid is the most spectacular thing to ever exist in your whole life and there is no way you would be the person you are right now in this moment if they didn't exist. This kid  is the most pure form of love that you will ever lay your eyes on and you want to protect him or her from anything bad or negative that would take that love or innocence away. This doesn't just mean teaching them to look both ways before crossing the street or never taking candy from a stranger, this means you start right at home by modeling the kind of person they you want them to be. If you walk around frustrated, angry, anxious, depressed, etc etc, then they will do the exact same thing because the energy you put out is what they feed off of. There are some days when I feel like total shit emotionally and coincidentally those same days Tanner is a total wreck as well.  I always said I wish I could have Tanner but erase his dad from my past (no offense Ian) but I cannot have one without the other. SO what I'm trying to convey here is that to really raise a happy child, you need to work with your ex who you may not really like all that much and do the right thing, instead of the actions that only feed your ego.
Namaste, bro