This has been a month of wins and losses. It's not the end of the month yet, but I figured it was time to lay them all bare. Let's start with the moments I fell flat on my face, shall we?
My Epic Fails of the Month
Waking Up for CountThis one is less of a new fail, and more a sign of regressing. When I first came home from prison, I was still on prison time. I'd find myself staring at the clock, keeping the schedule of the nightly count, and waking up for the unlocking of the doors for chowtime. Sometime in the first 100 days of freedom, I overcame this habit-
a habit that came back in full force this week.
I'm sorry for being so broken still.
The Newsletter that Wasn'tLast month, I nagged everyone into signing up for my mailing list - promising bright bursts of inspiration for the month of the November. I carefully planned 30 emails, and then... forgot all about it. Not a single one of my crafted newsletters went out.
I'm sorry for breaking my promise.
My Accidental Obsession with Saltwater TaffyAs the most embarrassing of my fails this month, I accidentally re-shared a post from 2012. Twice. I think it's even worse that it's such a pointless post. I almost didn't revive it at all, but it has nostalgic merit since it's a re-write of my very very very first post. It's also one of my favorite comment threads because my readers are hilarious.
However, I didn't realize that changing the title to lowercase in the new editor would distribute it to everyone. Twice. So for those who received the two emails, plus two tweets, and saw the two tweets posted to the Rarasaur facebook page, and also the two posts from WordPress directly to the Rarasaur facebook page- please know that I don't really care about salt water taffy so much as all that.
I'm sorry for being so noisy.
My Worst Day Ever VideoA friend came over to make a video for Rarasaur blog, now featured on the new homepage. He's pretty much the most amazing kid I know, which is how he turned the video into something pretty cute, even though I was a mess. If I had thought it through, I would have focused on what to say. I would have washed my hair after my morning cry, and I would have fixed Rarasaur's arm first.
I'm sorry for not thinking it through.
RejectionsI've lost count of the places that have rejected my thoughts on prisons, prison reform, probation law, or even generic thoughts on incarceration. Most places argue that I am the anomaly, not the norm- or that their readers would not be interested.
I'm sorry I haven't figured out a way to communicate the importance of change.
Awkward Email MistakesIf you've sent me an email asking for help or feedback, don't worry. I'll awkwardly reply weeks later as if you wrote just that morning, because I don't know how to read time stamps or use email. Apparently.
I'm just sorry.
No Internet WednesdayThe day before Thanksgiving, I sat around without internet all day, worrying about how I was going to finish the month if my barely-resurrected computer couldn't connect to the internet. I took it apart, and put it back together, and couldn't figure it out. Finally, I just called it an early night and went to bed.
It turns out there's a button on the front of the computer that says "Enable Wireless Connections". Guess what it does? Yes, exactly what it says.
I'm sorry I assumed the worse.
International Label DayI don't even know where to start with this one. I messed it all up. I didn't email a reminder to the people who asked for one. I barely posted a reminder here. I didn't follow up with last year's celebrators, and I didn't update the post with this year's late celebrators. I had no energy left.
I'm sorry I forgot that celebrations are how we refuel. The Uncomfortable Home PageI started making the visual repairs to Rarasaur blog on Thanksgiving because it's usually a slow day in the 'sphere. Then, I got distracted. When I returned, I realized I had set the big center image to a collage of the facial expressions I captured via my webcam, as I caught up on y'alls blogs, just a few days after being released from prison.
On this one, I'm really more sorry for me than anyone else. You should have seen my face when I typed in Rarasaur.com and saw my gigantic head all over the place.
My Wins of the Month
NanoPoblanoI finished Poblano season. Well, not yet, but I will. I posted every day and read almost everything posted by my Poblanos, even though I absolutely stunk at commenting.
And though I can only claim a fraction of a fraction of a small percentage of credit- did you notice how many Poblanos are soaring through that finish line? Have you noticed our badge everywhere you look? Did you hear our rawr?
It's a beautiful thing, and I am thankful I am part of it.
LifeI survived. I painted the tips of my nails gold. I made some real strides with handlettering projects. I celebrated holidays without making a ruckus about being without Dave. I donated time. I changed the look of this space, to make room for bigger and better projects. I saw friends, hugged children, played with cats, and befriended new animals. I asked for help when I needed it. I gave 100% to my job. I sent letters to 15 people from my mailing list. (Not a lot, I know, given how many signed up, but I figured I should start somewhere.) I made a video for this blog, even though maybe nobody needed to hear the message of it more than I did. That stumbling, fumbling, seemingly-drunk man on my butt doesn't stop me from going where I need to go. It's just life. And that's what I write about, and that's what we talk about, and that's what we celebrate here.
It's a beautiful thing, and I am thankful I am part of it.
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Did I mention I'm sorry?