Welcome to my nightmare.
1. Outer Space. The smallest mention of black holes and other galaxies sends me into a panic attack where I must confront the meaninglessness of the universe and the worthlessness of human existence. For real. Why do people want to travel to space? There’s a enough shit on earth for everyone to see, do and deal with…
2. The bottom of the ocean. Do you know what’s going on down there? Have you seen an angler fish?! Those things are all kinds of freaky. Evidence:
Compliments of the sickos at National Geographic.
3. Eels. I love being in the water and I deeply respect sea life. I love narwhals and dolphins and especially sharks but I’d rather sever a digit than come into contact with an eel. A slimy, eyeball-y, toothy eel. There’s a reason why Disney animators chose to make them Ursula’s sidekicks in The Little Mermaid.
Compliments of the sickos at Disney.
4. Ghosts. I love scary movies and creepy old buildings and macabre history… but there’s a particular brand of haunting that I find terrifying. You know when someone describes waking up in the middle of the night and having a shadowy, evil figure looming over them OR staring at them OR pulling on their blankets? Those people’s stories are the reason my feet must be tucked into the blankets AT ALL TIMES.
5. Wrists. I don’t like them. Why are there so many veins there? It’s not right… it’s just not right. I would put a picture here to illustrate my point, but I’m seriously grossed out by wrists so here’s a picture of a unicorn instead:
You know why he's so happy? Four ankles, zero wrists.
6. Latisse. It’s that stuff that you put on your eyelashes to make them longer. It discolors your irises, much like bleach does to clothing, and I don’t think it even works. Still, on the off chance that it actually makes lashes longer, what the fuck ladies? Your eyelashes don’t define you. Try mascara and falsies. Maybe what I’m actually scared of is women who use Latisse…
7. Hypnosis. As a control freak, hypnosis is the scariest thing that could ever happen to me. I like to think my brain is a brawny fortress of non-suggestability, impervious to the perils of hypnotism. I’m probably wrong.
What are you afraid of? Tweet, email or comment below!
