"Someone i loved once gave me a box full of darkness. it took me years to realize that this, too, was a gift."-Mary Oliver
Mori and I laid in bed the other night talking for a solid hour about our relationship and the past few years together. The whole parent thing was weighing heavily on my mind and it felt so great to talk it out. He said something extremely true that hit home perfectly: "My parents probably expected me to get married to a boring Catholic girl, and have an uneventful marriage similar to theirs, and stay in that hometown like them. They never expected you."
They never expected me. Looking back on our first year together, I can see why they would be shocked about it. Not only did their son pronounce his love for this girl after only 5 months of dating, but she came from twice divorced parents. She took their son to D.C., Baltimore, North Carolina and Texas - when he'd only been to one other semi-big city before. She bought him football game tickets and box seat baseball tickets. She led him to try different restaurants and bars. He was experiencing an adventure for the first time in his life.
And the adventure didn't stop that first year. We went to grab Indian food last night and we both realized that I was the one who introduced Mori to sushi, Indian, and Thai food. He's given me so much too. A home, stability, consistency, and support. My chaotic world can start to crumble at times and he plucks me out of the GO GO GO mentality into his arms where I'm safe.
It's hard to forge this road ahead. I look to the couples around us for an example of what we one day hope to be like and there aren't any good examples. Where are the couples not plagued by infidelity and bitterness? Where are the couples who still go out for drinks and hold hands on the streets after 20 years? Where the hell are they all?
From the very beginning of our relationship when we got into a long distance relationship with onlookers saying "That's never going to last." it has always felt like US against THE WORLD. I don't think that battle is ever going to stop. That in order to prove wrong the expectations that you get boring and indifferent in your marriage as time goes on and after children, we will be fighting for the rest of our lives. GAH, let it be easier than I think it will be.
Anyways, time to watch Hoarders and feel much better about my life. <3
