Sounds of Nature

Hello again,
It's just past midnight here and I'm tired as all fuck but I thought I'd better write something somewhere before I go a bit batshit and end up sleeping badly again. My dreams lately have been violent, sexual, stormy, and vivid. Like, HD plus vivid. I could have counted the wrinkles on the old guys' face. The violence and the sex never happen at the same time it should be noted. Usually it's rainy during the sex and vivid during the violence. They haven't been too bizarre as far as their 'narrative' is concerned I guess but it still concerns me when these rashes of mental imagery occur. I usually experience three or four nights of really vivid dreams and then maybe a week to fortnight of 'normal' dreams. During those periods though my moods are amplified, I'm more creative, and it's generally harder to keep a hold on life in general. I strongly suspect it's all a result of repressing the writing thing for so long so I can live financially well. I simply can't emphasize enough how bad living for money is. It's great if you can do it but whatever you do you should never sacrifice your mental or spiritual health for it. Anyway, onto other things.
Another element of my last entries' recap that I didn't mention was the death of an ex girlfriend in January of this year from brain cancer. We weren't exactly close any more, though we did have a bit of hanging out towards the end, and I was slated to see her over over Christmas and New Years, but didn't get around to it before she died. It was the first funeral that I've ever been to and I was drunk for it. I didn't cry but I think I might have if I had of been sober. She was a great girl, she was two days younger than I was, and she treated herself a lot better than I used to for the few months we were together. I've shed a few tears over it since but nothing too catastrophic. I think I miss her company and it freaks me out a bit to think that she's now gone and I'm still here. I drive past her house sometimes and I wonder who's living there now and if they realize that a dead girl lived there. It's a brush with mortality I won't ever forget because she was my first relationship as an adult, our breakup was such an influential event in my life and we reconciled as friends just long enough for me to have a front row seat to her decline.
Apart from that bit of unpleasantness I went out to the Village Arts festival recently with my girlfriend and camped for two nights. I was drunk the entire time but I enjoyed myself and didn't make a fool of myself or end up in any massive fights with the girl so that was excellent. I'm happy that we have that sort of event up here - though it'd be great if we had another one each year - and that for all of my foibles and fuckups my girlfriend tolerates my shit and doesn't let it get her too annoyed. We have our ups and downs but it's worked out nicely in that we can fight and get over it. I'm thankful for that and I feel like that weekend got us closer together because we actually did something together. I've been going to those festivals for a few years now and it was nice to finally do it with someone and have a bit of organization thrown in too.
After that I had two days back in town, one of which I had to spend going to a 'work prep' course at the behest of my job network crew. It goes for five weeks, three days a week, and it hasn't stopped killing me since that day. I understand the need for courses where basic computer skills are taught and dressing for an interview is the topic of the day, but I already know this stuff. What I need help with is actually getting an interview. If I got that far at the very least I could chalk it up to progress, but so far come up zilch on that front. Anyway, not to be all negativity. The teacher is quite a nice young guy and he seems to understand where I'm coming from so that's a bit of a break at least. He doesn't seem to mind if I do all the work in the first five minutes and fuck off to play solitaire whilst he helps the rest of my 'classmates' through the arduous task of creating a desktop shortcut for the next hour or so.
After that was the mission that was Airlie Beach. Gateway to the Whitsundays, Portal to Paradise - whatever you want to call the town, it's a long fucking drive and it makes your girlfriend angry when you stay too long there. I was there for a mates birthday and I was there for trouble. I loved the drive up, mainly because it took me away from the town that I live in. You know it's bad when you get excited just putting the place at your back and driving, knowing you have to come back but just so so keen to wring every last moment of excitement from being away that you just don't give a shit. It gave me time to think and time to sort my head out a bit, and just see a bit of a countryside. I love turning my gaze outwards when I'm traveling and seeing the place I'm moving through. I stopped once or twice, only for a minute, but just got out and soaked up the different views, the silence of a Different Place. I've got a fairly small patch that I'm used to and I think it does me good to see new places and ruminate on new opportunities there. I spent a lot of time doing this in Airlie, seeing as I was there alone for most of the time save a bit of time with a mate I was staying with and at the wedding. On my last night there I got a spa room and spent a few hours in it just trying to get my head on straight after everything that's gone down in the last six months. As of the day of this writing it's been six months since I lost my job and there hasn't been one moment I've regretted it. Anyway Airlie was good. I would have liked more company up there but I still made the most of it and had a great time. I really hope I can do more trips like that in the future.
I drove back and reconciled with the girl, who wasn't too pleased that I stayed as long as I did, and since then - being last week - the name of the game is trying to catch up on sleep and this course which I'm feeling increasingly demotivated by.
I'll sign off now. Next entry I'll detail some more of my dreams and the things that I've worked on getting my head around lately. Peace.