Diaries Magazine

Sprinkling Some Hope and Courage

Posted on the 14 May 2022 by Sani09 @sani09

 I need to write this. Because I think I got my mojo back today. It was away from the last couple of weeks. I have been unwell when I was in Guwahati. And then I was in Jaipur and feeling weak.


Life Update: 5th May 2022

No wonder parents keep asking me how is my health when I am away. That's because every time I am home I somehow fall sick and weak. It's almost like a valiant soldier coming back from battling the world to his mother and then trying to lay his head on her lap, saying, "I am tired."


It's either my Bangalore home that puts me back in the driving seat and lets me be in my element, or just the freedom of living alone and day dreaming or dancing around that makes me feel so good. Or it's just that I am doing good work again.

Every time I counsel people I love it so much. I feel good for serving humanity, being of use to people. I do feel this is my purpose - to make an impact, one life at a time, and hence, to touch many lives during my time in the world.

I remember standing up and saying this in the auditorium in my first few days of college when an external speaker had asked what's our life purpose, in MDI Gurgaon. I said I want to touch many lives as possible. A guy sitting in the row behind mine said, "she just wants to touch". Of course, I felt bad about my image there just because I was outspoken or I laughed at non-veg jokes without necessarily meaning anything. How petty! The internet belongs to people like me. And maybe that's why I have more writer friends than typical MBA friends. I hardly belong anywhere. I hardly belonged to my school, my engineering college, my MBA college, both the workplaces I worked in. Being a misfit and a lone wolf everywhere feels good. You become the main character of your own book.

But every time I counsel people, I feel like I belong. I belong to the higher dimension I mostly stay afloat in. I belong to the beauty and goodness of the world I often see.

 They say if it's your calling it will keep calling you.

And I need to write this because I don't know if it was last night or today morning when I was wondering what would happen if I exhaust my savings account or don't get another job I want when I start trying for one. I wondered if I start looking for a job in September, how long will it take for me to land one? The biggest hindrance is that I wouldn't settle for any job. I would always go for a role I enjoy doing or I like doing. My therapist and friends tell me that no matter how hard you work, you will only get your salary, a few words of appreciation and maybe a promotion after years. Most promotions happen anyway, just because you are due or because you know people. But the heart in my heart knows I like doing meaningful work and putting dedicated efforts. And even though I keep saying that I will look for a job, maybe I really won't.

The ideal case would be to have ten businesses around, some active income and some passive income.

It's difficult to stay in high vibrations all the time. Sometimes I worry that I don't worry enough. Everyone else keeps worrying about my savings or my income. It might be their projection too. I remember I was fine when all my salary would go straight to the credit card bill back in 2015. I was happy and doing everything I like even then. I will be fine in the future too. This time I am wiser and more experienced.

If I exist only in the present, and don't have to put the pressure of my MBA degree on myself, I think I would be doing what I am doing. I deserve this period of sacred pause. There is not much pause though. I am discovering I am very close to finishing my novel. Finishing the novel itself would be an amazing task achievement. And then I absolutely love to counsel people.

I had an epiphany today. I wanted to take a normal psychology course. But people come to me because they can trust me, they come to me for my maturity and wisdom, they come to me because they need help and I can help them, they come to me for intuitive guidance and support and I give them that. Then why would I again want to blend in the crowd with a normal psychology course that dangles people for years and doesn't empower them enough. It's good to express your feelings and find your limiting beliefs but a lot of work needs to be done after that too. My intuitive spiritual counseling provides all this and in a faster manner too. So I guess I won't choose that. I already know most of the topics in the course.

I want to go for higher studies but hopefully something with neuromarketing or neuroscience and research. I remember I loved this topic even when I was in MDI, back in 2015. I spoke about neuromarketing books in one of my interviews too. They must have thought this girl is in another trajectory altogether. I am. And I am still hooked to the idea. If it's your calling it will keep calling you.

Life unfolds in beautiful and unexpected ways. Nothing was ever planned. But we can always connect the dots later. I remember, as a child, I wrote a small article on motivation and put my autograph on it in the end. I was probably 5-7 years old. And then, I wrote a motivational speech when I was 13 years old and I was too young to deliver it in the morning assembly. Only the 16-17 year olds would do that. I never even asked anyone. I self-rejected myself considering I was too young.

What I should not do currently is to again self-reject myself thinking I am too young or naive or this or that to do what I am doing. My books are contributing to the lives of thousands of people. My counseling will soon be contributing to 100s of people. It's around 80 clients so far. Those people can't be wrong. I can't be wrong. In Suresh sir's language, when the pearl decides to be within the oyster, it steals the world of its beauty and gifts. In Swami Pillai's words, why would I be so selfish that I want to hide my gifts from the world. And in Gaurav Da's words, every time I choose to show up in the world, I change the world. That's what I want- to leave the world a better place than I found it.

I used to do it then and I am doing it now. And I love my work. What's stopping me from doing this full time is my own inhibition and fears.

Yesterday, Paromita messaged me out of nowhere that she is manifesting 100 dollars a day for me. She is so older to me, she has no business appreciating my work and yet she does. She says I put healing people above the money I receive for it, that I am dedicated to my client's healing and growth. It's nice to be recognized by someone so senior who has been doing this from years now and sees me as a friend. It's beautiful. I am only lucky to have found so many beautiful people beyond my workplace.

So what energy, space, consciousness, choice, magic, miracles, possibilities can me and my body be now to create the life I desire with total ease? What else can I do now? What else is possible now?

If it's your calling it will keep calling you. People are showing up without me doing any cold-calls or pitches. People show up only because I exist and they remember me.

Today seems to be a beautiful day to instill hope in myself again. I have to create my own domain and make my blog, work on my novel, work on my social media content. Nothing will be accomplished in a day. But it's a good day to start. And I think this blog starts things well.

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