For me, it's the worry of am I doing the right thing by taking my little boy out of the nursery where he felt so comfortable, where he made good friends, where he knew the routines and the staff, where he developed so well. Is it the right thing to take him away from that and place him in to a brand new environment where it's sort of unknown to us both?!
We made the decision to do exactly that though, because the new pre-school is attached to his future school. We made the decision with the hope that it would make attending reception and then school full time a much easier transition for him. We wanted him to move up to full time school hours in a place he knew, a place where he felt comfortable and with friends. And for those reasons, I know that we've made the right decision for him.
Dropping him off yesterday on his first day wasn't hard, it was just emotional and mostly it was me with the wobbly emotions. Because the thing is is that this is my little baby, my first baby and here he in the place that will eventually be school to him. He's surrounded by children his age, whose parents chose to send their little ones to pre-school in uniform, it's optional and I didn't expect that all of the other children would be wearing it. My heart couldn't really handle the thought of my little boy in uniform, the idea of him looking far too grown up, when really he still feels like my baby. But then maybe I'l still feel the same when he's 18?
I went home feeling ok, I knew he would be fine. His teacher/carer had found a plane for him to play with and obviously that made everything better in the world for him. He knew a little boy there from his swimming class and I also know how well Ethan socialises. He always finds a way to join in and I knew that the best thing to do was to leave him and let him do his thing. Of course, Adam and I were very nearly the last parents to leave. But that's OK because a lot of the other children had already been before or knew the school very well.
I came home feeling a little bit lost though, I won't lie. The realisation that one day soon my Ethan would be at school full time and one day Logan would be too. We were told he starts full time reception in a years time and to be honest it wasn't something I'd ever thought about much. I've lived in my mommy and baby bubble for over 3 years now and I love it despite the more challenging days that having young children sometimes brings.
I have Logan with me full time for a few more years yet I know, but the days won't feel the same without Ethan, so I am going to continue to make the most of this year before he goes full time in to reception. I feel so lucky to have been able to spend so much time with my babies, to be able to work at home and to see them as often as I do. It's allowed us to make some truly special memories and I plan to continue making these amazing memories for years to come, we'll just be working around a tighter schedule is all.
We picked Ethan up at 1.45pm and he was happily playing (still clutching his plane). He had played outside in the playground, he had used the toilet, he'd eaten lunch in the lunch hall with the bigger school children, he had (already) had his first birthday party invite and he wanted to stay. The relief was huge for both Adam and I. We all need to get used to everything still, of course we do, but I think he's going to be happy there and that is all as parents you can really ever wish for.
This is a little video I made yesterday afternoon after we picked him up, it's just a little record of my thoughts and feelings at the time if you fancy watching.
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