Okay this is something I see come up all the time and it’s only with my name. Generally it’s on message boards / forums because it appears that people with the name Steve generally like to have their actual name instead of a handle. For instance, I’m on MustangJUNKIES and Outlawed Offroad as Steve on both sites. When I cannot get Steve or StevePLD or SteveOO/MJ (referring back to the 2 auto sites) I’m generally pissed off, and typically will not participate at those sites where other Steve’s beat me to the username punch. I have no interest in being 4x4maniac or f150lover that’s just not me. It’s like being one of those asbestos lawyers on TV where they claim to be the top mesothelioma law firm in all the lands.. If you’re not with them settling your case you are missing out. Well when I don’t get my “username” Steve, I feel like I should be calling an injury lawyer! I’m missing out!!
The Steve thing is picked up online by others. I’ve seen comments about how “there are too many Steve’s here”. Really? Too Many? Surely if you check out the Social Security website from the government you’ll see James, Robert, John, Michael, David, William and Christopher just to NAME A FEW have been in the Top 5 for the past 100 years. How many times has Steve been in the Top 5? Yup, none. So how are there too many of us? Maybe we’re just more noticeable. When I was born in 1973, it was the 160th most popular Male name in the USA. Hardly overused. In 2010-2011 it has now sunk into the 700′s into obscurity! Maybe I can hire one of those injury lawyers claiming society has damaged me beyond repair by demoting my name!
What if there were no more Steve’s on the Planet? What if someone from the Steve / Steven / Stephen brotherhood decided to build a time travel or warp device and send all the Steve’s to another world or dimension? Keep in mind, when Steve’s leave, we take our toys / technologies / and achievements WITH US. We are not here to share anymore, it’s time for us to move on as a name to a new life.
Stephen Hawking could possible make that happen he is a pretty smart guy. Who is to say he can’t invent something that will take all of his fellow Steve’s to a new place in the Universe where we can live free from the absurdity of being told there are just too many of us. A place to call home, Stevetopia!
Or another unknown person like Steve Jobs. He’ll help us on this mission for sure. Hawking will bring him back to us through a Wormhole and we will then once again be reunited with our unholy gadget master.
I’m sure Steve Jobs would relish the opportunity to take all men named Steve on an epic journey in a shiny white or silver case with a big Apple logo on the side. I also bet we’re all getting free iCloud for life! Steve Wozniak won’t be far behind Jobs making sure the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed.
Okay so we can get somewhere else; in a land that is far, far away. That is CLEARLY established at this point. What do we do once we get there? We’re going to need some legit entertainment. Steve Martin and Steve Carrell will lead the charge for that without hesitation but we need an MC to host it all. Steven Wright said he will join us once he can figure out what to add to his powdered water and Steve Irwin is lost in a swamp somewhere making sweet love to a gator.
Wait, I know just the Steve..Welcome to the party Steve Harvey. Your perfectly manicured hair and mustache will be more than welcomed on our adventure. Glad you made it!
To round out the visual entertainment we have the likes of Steve Buscemi, Steve McQueen, Steve Guttenberg, Steve Zahn, and Steve Reeves. Steven Spielberg will direct and produce the shows. Not to mention a killer band including Steven Tyler, Steve Lacy, Steve Perry, Steve Jones, Steve Earle, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Steve Winwood, Steve Harris, Steve Stevens, Steven Pearcy, Stevie Wonder, Steve Vai, Steven Van Zandt among others.
Now we sound like a bunch of hippie / rock Steve’s who can’t protect ourselves. WRONG. 
We have an official Head of Security here at Stevetopia and it’s the badass himself. Double beer fisted, middle finger flying, son of a bitch.. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. When you have a nickname like the Rattlesnake, people listen. We’re going to put him in charge of all Security as well as managing our Athletic Roster, because it’s a LEGENDARY group. He has Steven Seagal watching his back just in case BTW.
Welcome aboard Steve Yzerman, Steve Nash, Steve McNair, Steve “Mongo” McMichael, Steve Prefontaine, Steve Young, Steve Garvey, Steve Caballero, Steve Sax, Steve Yeager, Steven Jackson, Dr. Death Steve Williams, Lord Steven Regal, Steve Borden aka Sting, Steve Blackman and countless others. Steve’s are a strong stock and we know how to kick ass and take names. And who is going to talk about all these athletes? There can be only one. And his name is Stephen A. Smith.
Style and fashion by Steve Madden of course. We need to wear clothes on Planet Stevetopia, we’re not animals.
Money? Steven Forbes should be able to help out in a pinch. He’s good like that. I doubt we’ll need his green btu his business acumen alone will help propel our new society to greatness.
What about the woman and children? They’re all grandfathered in on this mission. I know from personal experience. Steve DNA = good stock. And our breeding pods created by Hawking will allow us to create lifeforms on a whim!
Listen, just like that asbestos lawyer I can make a fancy infomercial about the greatness of all things Steve. Then I can tell you that if you don’t believe in the Power of Steve you are akin to being in a car accident with no insurance. Are you willing to take that risk? Remember that the next time you wonder why there are “So many Steve’s”
It’s not that there are so many, we’re just that amazing. We stand out. Dominate. RULE THE EARTH.
PS – Did I forget a killer Steve that deserves mentioning?? Post your favorite “missed Steve” in the comments section!
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