With all that we have dealt with the past few months I have tried very very hard to stay positive. Some day’s that just isn’t going to happen. On those days I just have to go with it and do my best to cheer up.
The past few days have been full of a lot of ups and downs. We had a crazy busy weekend with an inspection on the house we are trying to buy, a surprise birthday party for a friend of Scott’s, pictures for friends and just normal weekend tasks. Normally staying busy helps me not think about the infertility that we are dealing with but Saturday night was incredibly difficult.
We were out with friends of Scott’s and their wives, and naturally the girls ended up at a table by themselves. After the normal catch up and what’s new conversations the topic of choice went to babies. Of course it did. Why does every single conversation lately seem to be about babies. One is due in May, another is getting married in June and already has baby fever and someone else isn’t quite ready yet. And then there’s me. The woman who starts to get very quiet as soon as someone starts talking about that darn topic. Eventually it comes to me, when are you guys going to have kids. And normally I just say something evasive like oh maybe someday, but Saturday night I was crabby and I just came right out and said “We can’t have kids and in the future you may want to think about asking that question.”
I understand they weren’t trying to be hurtful, they didn’t know. It doesn’t help that everyone assumes you can have kids. As someone dealing with this, stop. Stop assuming. Don’t ask. If someone wants to tell you when they will have kids they will. Most people don’t understand how much that question hurts. I am not angry or upset with them but I wish I didn’t have to answer it. I’ve decided that when that question comes up again in the future, and I know it will, that I will simply reply. we don’t discuss that and move the conversation on. Maybe it will help me feel less like I am going to break down and start bawling any second. Maybe not. But it will help me not to have share personal information that is no one else’s business.
One of the biggest things I have learned from infertility is too never ever ask another woman when/if/why or pretty much any questions about having kids, pregnancy or her reproductive situation. I wasn’t one to ask that before but now I know I NEVER will ask again. Even if we happen to get pregnant by some strange luck (that won’t happen and I know this) or we decided to start with less invasive treatments or adopt I will still not ask that question.
