I try to ensure that this blog is a balance of both the good and the bad because both sides are necessary for a full and complete life. I’ve surely shared a wealth of the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. So when life threw me some lemons yesterday, I thought I would turn it into something positive by sharing it with you all.
My entire teenage/adult life I’ve struggled with acne—not the kind heavy enough for Accutane but certainly a persistent variety that has never really gone away. I’ve tried everything you could ever think of—Proactiv, Pore Strips, Face Masks, Antibiotics, Prescriptions Meds, Birth Control—you name it I’ve tried it at least once. The only thing that really appeared to make a marked difference was birth control. While that little pill seemed to quell the large breakouts, it never completely and totally cleared my face.
Needless to say, I’ve spent my life ogling at people with perfect skin. The kind of skin that allows girls to walk around sans makeup because I could never do that. I can only imagine that kind of freedom that a clear face would offer a girl. I, on the other hand, never leave the house without makeup. I’ve tried before and the amount of anxiety and paranoia that it creates is truly embarrassing and overwhelming.
On top of that, I’ve spent so much time worrying about what my skin before my major life events. Would I have a huge honker during our engagement pictures? (yup, that happened) And what about our wedding. Would my makeup be ruined by a huge mound on my chin? (Well, I wouldn’t say it was ruined but there were definitely a few impurities on that day too). Will I ever be able to look at a picture and not instantly zoom in on my face to see if my acne is visible? (no, probably not)
What makes that anxiety worse is knowing that there is literally nothing I can do to make my acne go away (short of probably Accutane but that’s not an option I’m willing to try). It’s almost makes me wish that my flaw was that I was a tad to chubby because at least I could lose that. There’s no way I could eat or exercise my way to clear skin.
When I was younger, I used to take solace in the fact that I would grow out my acne—you know it’s just a teenage thing. But now I’ve turned 26 and there’s no clear end in sight.
A few months ago, I became so fed up with my skin that I decided to finally seek out a dermatologist. I had been avoiding them for so long because I figured that they would lead me to the same dead end solutions (just at a higher price tag). I had decided to stop taking birth control in an attempt to normalize my cycle before we started to get pregnant (I had read that it takes some girls over a year to get corrected). Unfortunately, my skin responded by going into a complete and total tailspin—worse than I ever remember.
So I hesitantly booked an appointment with a dermatologist and consequently was prescribed the most expensive collection of acne drugs that I’ve ever seen. After two months of using said drugs, my result was pitiful. I’d wasted about $300 and I was no closer to clear skin.
I had a follow up appointment yesterday with my dermatologist to discuss my results and I let her know that despite all the medicine I was seeing very little improvement. She let me know that my acne was mainly hormonal and the best thing for that would be hormone replacements like birth control. Since we are planning on starting our family soon, I informed her that it wouldn’t really be an option for me. She, not knowing we were going to have a family soon, told me that I couldn’t even be using my current regimen if I was trying to get pregnant anytime soon. And then she prescribed me a whole new regimen of drugs which are supposed to be safe for pregnancy.
But my guess would be that after shelling out more money, this round of drugs (considering it’s the second option) will produce the exact same results.
I haven’t decided if I’m going to pursue the new round of drugs or just give it up. Seems pretty futile at this point. On top of that, I try to lead a holistic lifestyle and taking all of these drugs that smell funny and make my face itch and burn just really makes me nervous.
So I thought I would turn to you all to see if you had any holistic/home remedies that you have used successfully for your own acne. Any homemade masks or cleansers you like?
While on the whole this post seems pretty whiny and searching for a compliment, it’s really meant to be the opposite of that. I know there are others of you out there still struggling with acne too. Despite all the pretty pictures I post here of me and the mister, I want you all to know that I have insecurities too.
I have pictures I refuse to post.
I struggle to feel beautiful without a full face of makeup and coiffed hair.
I thank goodness for Photoshop.
I have days where I just don’t feel beautiful.
What helps me get through those times of insecurity is knowing that my husband, my family, and my friends love me because I’m a good person, not because I have clear skin. No matter how much my skin breaks out, I’m still a beautiful daughter, sister, niece, aunt, wife, and friend. There’s absolute no blemish that could diminish the gratitude I have for being able to fulfill those roles.