This past week I feel like I have been the most vulnerable and really let people in to what goes on in my brain as well as what's going on in my everyday life. I talk about my fears but I really don't dig into my fears. I say them then sweep them under the rug and hope no one brings them up again.
Like the share a secret prompt I didn't really know how I wanted to answer this. Should I just answer I'm afraid of spiders something not so deep. After some thought and wanting to be more personable on this space, I decided that I want to share my struggles.
My biggest fear: I struggle with being a perfectionist. It is really bad that it paralyzes me to make mistakes. When I make a mistake I just harp on that mistake and it's all I think about and have horrible negative self talk. If I'm not perfect than I am a failure is kinda how I view it. I hope that makes sense to everyone.
When I make a mistake I go into super anxious mode, retracing my steps, shaking, hard to breathe, etc. I start thinking what are they going to say and how I can make it sound like it's not that bad.
When at work and I did something wrong, my response is usually are they mad at me? Am I fired? Just super anxious. I turn into super introvert and focus on that mistake along with more negative talk.
I have gotten better with it, but it's still an ongoing struggle.
What is your biggest fear?