Yesterday, we decided to attend a church not too far from us. It took all I had just to be able to get dressed and go. I have a long love-hate relationship with the church. The church as in the local institution, not the Church at large. We have a long history and one that is marked by disappointment, hurt, and occasionally, rage. My definition of church is all but flattering. My parents were in ministry and my dad pastored a church for eight years. Growing up I was involved in every aspect. I also felt the brunt of what my father/family endured. Our family had its hits of disappointment, back stabbing, gossip, and betrayal. Mostly coming from our "good friends". I would say church sometimes brings out the worst in people. Enduring that for the majority of my teenage years was hard. I honestly wish we had all of the hell on camera. It would make for a killer reality show!
And so, my past haunts me. Yesterday, I started to see every face of every person that left, let me down, disappointed, and hurt me. I thought about how they go on living their lives, while at times I can't even take the next step. I thought about how they go on without even a regret, or an apology. How can people do that? How could I have possibly lived through it? Is this how God is? Oh, it just makes me so angry. But yesterday we walked into a church of mostly older people. They all smiled and waved. They sang songs, hugged us and shook our hands after, and swarmed us with free brownies [that part I really liked]. I felt so at home. They didn't seem to judge or make snarky comments. They just took us in. That's how it should be. I am sure they've all experienced their fair share of hurts and they're still standing [some of them barely :)]. Hubs was approached to take over their youth ministry there, so we are feeling it out for now until we know for sure what our next steps will be. They are open to new ministry opportunities and I think our strengths and abilities can be used there. Nothing feels better than having a church like you before you're even able to like them. I am hopeful and I know my past scars will enable me to not treat others as I have been treated.
What about you? Have you dealt with hurt in the past in regards to church? Have you just started attending?
